Prior to leaving, I had a bit of a 'scare' when I felt a bump of sorts under my collarbone. I said I wouldn't worry about it over the holiday travels, since I was seeing my plastic surgeon upon my return and cancer had already affected one year's Christmas, I wasn't going to let it have another! I've been assured since that it's likely scar tissue and will confirm with other docs next week at appointments.
Arizona was a blast. It is so great to be with the family! We went to movies (Star Wars in the D Box seats that move!), trampoline parks, out to eat, sang, danced, and played games. Photo evidence below.
Star Wars!
Cooking with 'Tucci!
Box of Lies...thanks for the game idea Jimmy Fallon
After everyone left I then headed to Colorado for a week of visiting friends, many whom I hadn't seen since I moved! I arrived in Denver and stayed with a friend from grad school, saw a UD friend the next day, drove to Ft. Collins the following to see folks up there. Thanks to LJG for convincing me to "run" a 5K on New Year's Eve. It was pretty chilly, but was a nice way to close out the year. Was also pretty much the highlight of the night considering I was in bed shortly after "east coast new year's", aka, 10 pm.
The 'Threesome' plus one! (and plus a really reflective jacket)
Big group at Top Golf! A seriously fun activity. Looking forward to one coming to OH.
Seeing the lab and old colleagues was a bit of a blast from the past, but also a reminder of how time can fly. While at the lab, I did a DEXA scan. The clinical purpose is to determine bone mineral density (BMD), though in the lab we generally used it for determination of body composition (fat vs lean mass). Given that part of my treatment is to basically zap my body of estrogen, bone density loss and osteoporosis is one of the potential side effects and consequences. So I wanted to get an early baseline as well as compare it to my previous scan (from 2013 when I moved).
Good news is that while my BMD has declined, for my age, I am still in a 'healthy' (not at risk) level. Bad news is, as I could have predicted, from a body composition perspective, I've got some fat mass to lose! Fortunately though, I didn't lose muscle mass (probably have the steroids in part to thank for that...and it's nearly impossible to gain as much weight as I did without gaining and/or maintaining lean mass). Seeing the outline of your body and fat and lean tissue colored in can be a bit shocking, but it wasn't anything overly surprising. Being with family and in Colorado with friends got me on a pretty good start of healthy living of being more active and making some smarter food choices. (Thanks Alexis for multiple outside park circuit workouts!) I plan to continue that positive momentum. Call it a resolution if you want, or just my continual desire for self-improvement, but it should result in some beneficial changes.
My attempt to be healthier is aided by the fact that when I got home and saw my plastic surgeon he removed any activity restrictions and said I didn't have to wear any of the super annoying compression garments/bandeau bras. So that's pretty awesome! I'll spend the next couple months continuing to manually expand and soften the pocket (ie basically molest that breast and try to move things around so scar tissue doesn't form and 'clamp' down on the implant) and then see him again.
I definitely have lost some strength and flexibility after a couple of months of movement restriction. It's tough to barely be able to do a pushup from my knees after doing burpee challenges and such last summer, but such is the long road of recovery and reconstruction! To keep me goal oriented in taking care of myself physically, I signed up for the Flying Pig Half Marathon in Cincinnati on May 1. It seemed like a reasonably goal and timeframe (15 weeks out) and a bit of serendipity in that it's been 10 years since I first ran it as a college junior.
Since being back in town, I've been focused on getting rid of the cold I picked up last week, taking care of myself, getting the house in order (though I have trouble bringing myself to take down Christmas decorations!), and starting to prep for the new semester. Not surprisingly, I'm a bit behind, as I can never seem to avoid waiting for last minute stress to motivate me to work (case in point, that I'm writing a blog post at work at Runners Plus right now rather than doing work for school).
The past few weeks have been mostly great, though I can tell I'm getting back to my more 'normal' life, with some dark spots interspersed of over-analyzing and self-doubt. Sometimes I feel like this whole cancer business should have 'changed' me more. That I should be this shiny happy person that only lives in the moment and doesn't worry or fret. I know it's illogical, but it happens. I have to remind myself (with help of the shrink and friends and family) that I don't need to judge myself for the kind of cancer survivor I am, just like I shouldn't have (though probably did) judge myself for the kind of cancer patient I was. I'll save you from any more deep introspection from the past few weeks (Do I like my job? Do I like where I live? Should I look for a new job? Why am I single? Will I always be? Will I ever have kids? Why am I not happier?), but just let you know that the cancer really just adds an extra layer to basically the same questions I've always asked myself.
Next week, I see my surgeon for my year appointment, a bit of a 'milestone' in the treatment plan. I'm sure I'll update after that, and on a periodic basis with any relevant or exciting news. In the meantime, my best to you all for a happy and healthy 2016. I didn't manage to get holiday cards out, but know that so many of you are in my thoughts often. Please keep those fighters (I find out about more each day) in your best wishes.
For a parting bit of hilarity. Check out this ridiculously inappropriate dancing snowman my mom had and just how much my niece loves it.
