Monday, January 17, 2022

Guest Post: My COVID Caretakers

 As I said in my last post, I caught the 'vid up in Idaho over the holidays.  Since I ended up spending the better part of a month with the Idaho Crecelii, I thought a guest post was in order.  Please enjoy, courtesy of M&M.


We said goodbye and happy new year to Anne in December 2019 in Glade Park, CO and didn't get to see her for another whole year. Wait, longer than that -- 20 months? Winter in Glade Park 2019 to Summer in Glade Park in 2021. And in between those Dirty Boot reunions, gratefulness was hard to come by. There was just too much. Anne's cancer diagnosis, a pandemic, isolation, violence, ineptitude, dread. So our absence from family last year made New Year 2022 something we could not wait for. We had these Big Plans -- skiing, botanical gardens, Christmas lights, card games, trivia, and a week in the woods with meals around the same table as our people. Snow for days was in the forecast. And who would have thought that, after 20+ months of pandemic living, one of our best gifts would be a bonus week with Anne after she tested positive for COVID on New Year's Day? Stupid. Fucking. Covid.

Anne liked to tease us that she was our “fourth child” while she isolated in our office/guest room/exercise space. But the truth is, we were lucky to be able to care for her. Lucky to witness first-hand how Anne handled getting (Stupid. Fucking.) Covid with grace and calm and perspective. Lucky to overhear her contributing to her work over Zoom meetings. Lucky to absorb her trivia voice all the way down the hall with the door shut. Lucky that I got to vent and complain about all the things I usually get to vent and complain about over text with Anne, but now in person through a glass door with hand waving and eye rolls. Lucky that I got to do one of my most fulfilling things – disinfecting all the spaces. (Lysol helps me to feel in control and I was this way pre-pandemic. It’s fine.) Lucky that our kids got to see that this pandemic has the potential to bring our family closer and that all experiences have something to teach us, and to give us something to be grateful for.

And we just can’t stop feeling grateful about how it all turned out. Grateful that Anne’s symptoms were limited to congestion and a 12-ish hour fever. Grateful for vaccines and boosters. Grateful that our love language (food, complaining, and dancing) were comforting to her. Grateful that even one more week in hell (where we live) will sit in our memories with fondness and not fear or worry. Love you, Anne. Come back to Idaho soon and we'll do more complaining and dancing and eating but with less disinfecting and nose-swabbing.

Friday, January 7, 2022

Welcome 2022!

Happy New Year everyone.  Though this year feels maybe too eerily like the 20-21 transition?  Or, maybe that’s just because COVID is at the top of my mind this first week.  

I tested positive for COVID this past Sunday (at home, after a negative one, confirmed with PCR that evening).  I’m fine.  Doing well.  In fact, biggest symptom (fever) was clear Saturday night already.  I have limited congestion and assume I had the omicron variant as it has stayed in my nose, rather than my lungs (thankfully). 

The biggest impact it has had has been changing my plans to travel home from Idaho where I spent the holiday.  I’ve continued to stay here, in the “fishbowl” as we call it.  In reality, the office has a great view of the mountains, doors with windows to keep me somewhat still involved in the life of the house, and a really positive workstation, even if it’s a little low to the ground….


Seriously though, I can’t thank my Boise family enough for dealing with this.  They’ve been excellent caretakers and cooks, delivering better food than I eat at home.  The young nieces have been good about wearing their masks when needed and putting on the occasional dance performance to keep me entertained.  And, I’ve gotten to witness the impressive ability of my brother and sister-in-law to both do important work, from home, while taking care of their kiddos (and their extra house guests).  Kudos to everyone who has been in a similar situation throughout all of this, it really is remarkable.  

So, you might ask, how did I get it?  Well, not really sure actually.  The family (minus Mom and Grandma Tucci who stayed in AZ) gathered at a rental cabin a few hours north and one other family also has tested positive (total of 4 of the 13 of us) while others have been negative.  We were all responsible in travel and when in public spaces, but not together.  In the end, the tracing doesn’t really matter much and with as easily as omicron is transmitted, I don’t think we’ll ever really know.  I’m just really thankful that I and the others who tested positive have had mild to no symptoms and are doing quite well.  VACCINES DO THEIR JOB PEOPLE!!!  

While together, the fam and I had tons of holiday fun, both here in Boise prior to the trip to the mountains.    I’ve been dancing with my nieces, playing games, spending time in the snow, baking, etc.  The snow up by McCall was some of the best I’ve ever seen…you could see individual flakes, so much stuck to the trees…it was like a winter wonderland!  I’m grateful that I’m able to still be active (though the downhill day really showed my lack of endurance, although who knows if I was maybe already a little sick??).  We did multi-discipline snow activities (sledding, snowman building, snowshoeing, downhill, and Nordic cross country).  I only cursed my lung nodules occasionally, and even gave myself credit that not everyone with stage 4 cancer would be out doing these things!



The Cancer seemed to play far less of a major role this holiday season than last.  Having hair probably helps.  And, honestly, I wasn’t sure if I’d make it to this holiday.  Especially for New Year’s I was a little down, just with the unknown, but think this past year has pleasantly surprised me in how I’ve maintained my ‘normal life’.  Yes, of course I would have liked to find a drug that worked well, but I’m still here!  Still being too loud (for most), still not being capable of pacing myself in activities, still enjoying the kiddos.  I temper my expectations of course (I apologized to my oldest niece for the morbid thought of saying that my New Year’s resolution is to make it to next New Years…but, like, that’s what it is…), but overall am perhaps more hopeful than I was a year ago.  

My family is instrumental in my ability to deal and keeping my spirits high.  They don’t treat me with kid gloves, which I appreciate at.  They may scoff a bit at a morbid thought, but they don’t outwardly criticize or make me feel bad about it.  They talk about the future, they support how I’m going about things.  They are pretty fucking awesome to be honest.  And I’m grateful for getting to spend time with them, and the multiple hoops pretty much all of us jumped through to make it happen.  Love you guys.

My current treatment continues to go well (really glad I ordered another dose sent here to ID given my prolonged stay…) with no real side effects.  Another month or so and we will rescan to see what if any positive impact it is having.  I had labs before I left that showed really stable blood markers, so it’s perhaps really good timing I’m having my bout of COVID when I am not really immunocompromised, or at least not to the extent I have been for most of the past year and a half (it’s been 21 months since my diagnosis…what?!?).  

So we’re still up to our eyeballs in a pandemic, people are impacted by crazy changes in climate (thankful I don’t know of anyone personally to lose their home in the CO fires, but it can damn close to some of my best friends), there’s whacko vocal idiots at every turn, and I still have a terminal disease.  But the last 3 weeks have been restorative and sparked a lot of gratitude for the good things.  

Last year I downloaded the One Second Everyday app.  Essentially you upload a video or photo (usually mine are just Live Photos) from each day.  I don’t really record intentionally, which is why some days are pretty lame and more screenshots and randomness than anything else, but it’s a fun and relatively easy way to look back at the year.  A friend pointed out that my year was basically travel, cat, lab, travel, cat, lab.  It’s pretty true!  And I’m not complaining!  

Here’s to a 2022 of shrinking nodules, better discourse, action to preserve our planet, many more good times with my cat, in the lab, and with people I love!