It’s been a few weeks since posting again, and again, the reasoning is that I’ve been busy enjoying family, fun, holidays, etc. A good reminder that in the dumpster fire that is 2020, there has still been plenty of good!
I completed two more rounds of my chemo at Stanford in their infusion/outpatient center. (Insert mini-rant about health insurance being stupid and how the billing is different and I was surprised by a $800 bill (vs not getting charged for treatments at home). Thankfully, I’ve reached my max out of pocket for the year so the 2nd and 3rd treatments are fully covered...apparently they bill the cost of the drug at like $40,000, discounted for insurance of course, but then still pretty high coming back to me. Thankful for good coverage, a mom who makes phone calls for me to figure this stuff out and a relatively healthy financial position to deal with it. But seriously, when people say having cancer is like having a job, it’s dealing with this shit that they may be referring to).
Chemo with a view!
Both treatments went fine, with no real additional side effects, though I’ve learned that a good nap the afternoon post treatment is helpful. I try not to let the bit of fatigue slow me down too much though. Newton’s first law...objects in motion stay in motion... For example, the one day I got to help my niece with her Dance PE final and perform her choreography to a song from In the Heights.
The Bechtel fam has kept me entertained and busy. Some spontaneous fun always seems to happen with this bunch. Carmen started talking in a British accent and that has been a source of plenty of laughs over the past few weeks. A makeup tutorial/masterclass watching turned into a full on photo shoot, including the never forgotten line after I had a coughing fit (in a British accent of course...) “It’s not the COVID, it’s the cancer!!!”.
This is a better ‘top shot’ than ‘empty eyes!’
Most of early December was busy working, doing the oral exams that I have my physio kids do. Since I have a hard time keeping my voice down, I think my sister picked up a fair amount of knowledge on muscle contraction, glucose regulation, steps of an action potential, and how we regulate blood pressure!
We tried to keep up the holiday cheer by a big baking day at Sarah’s house, with a very special little helper dude.
Myles the mixer man
I spent the weekend at Sarah’s which was nice again to be able to enjoy not one but 2 siblings and their families while we sheltered in place (they’ve been bubbling together most of quarantine).
I’ve been missing the Boise crew, but we’ve done plenty of FaceTiming to keep up all connected.
Goooo Dayton Flyers!
I enjoyed more sunshine lunches on the deck, backyard walks in the redwoods as finals week wrapped up. My mom arrived (after a quarantine and negative tests) and we did a bit of an early Christmas with Sarah and fam before getting ready for the next stage of the adventure...heading to Colorado for Christmas/New Years. I’m so grateful to have the opportunity to ‘stay at home’ in such lovely homes in such lovely places. And the novelty of changing locales definitely helps with the mental side.
Karyn, Mom and I made the 16 hr drive to the ranch in Glade Park, passing the time with our British/Australian/Irish/Indian accents (we all have our preferred ones...) playing state-line present games, dealing with some snow, and hanging with the cats (who handled the trip quite well!).
Christmas morning brought a bit of excitement when we forgot to open the flu of the fireplace....
Some heroic moving of burning wood, vacuum-filtering the air, and a break for homemade cinnamon rolls later and we were back in business, enjoying an overly generous Christmas morning.
We partook in some pickle ball, tournament style with the extended Bechtel crew that afternoon.
When I say my family is awesome, I don’t just mean my immediate family. I’m really lucky to have kind and generous in-laws of siblings that welcome us into their celebrations, time together, etc. I think it’s why Grand Junction still feels like a bit of “home” even though I haven’t lived there for 2 decades and was only there for 5 years.
We opted to skip the fancy Christmas dinner and do pizzas instead, delaying our ‘holiday meal’ til the day after Christmas. Beef Wellington, courtesy of Gordon Ramsey’s masterclass. Well worth the effort!
We’ve been filling our days with games, Apple Fitness+ dancing, new RingFit for the Switch, naps, and lots of good food.
When I say I’m lucky, I mean it. The next stop on this holiday enjoyment tour was Telluride! Just a few hour drive from Junction and a place the generous Grandma and Grandpa Bechtel have had a condo in for many years. It definitely feels more like winter here (though we did get a beautiful dumping of snow the night before we left Glade Park).
I had decided I wanted to do a day of downhill (morbidly thinking that I wasn’t sure when/if I’d be back to a mountain). It had been nearly a decade since the last time (in Lake Louise, Canada on a work trip...add that to the gratitude list!). I’m significantly heavier, have low blood counts, and am in the middle of IV chemo, it;’s 12000 ft at summit...what could go wrong? Well it was a pretty great day, albeit a little short and a little frustrating. Carmen and I were lucky to have blue skies and sun, a bit of fresh snow, and a wonderful mountain.
#Twinning in our sweet Loki (local GJ company) jackets.
The lift lines were pretty long and a little nerve wracking with COVID. Most people had face coverings as required, though not all were wearing properly. Things moved a little slower since they were only loading chairs with single groups or with a space between on the quads. I picked things back up quickly enough on the hill but just was really feeling it in my legs. And, despite the fact I normally don’t have a very good fear-based braking mechanism for my actions, was having to take some breaks when I felt like I was maybe too tired to be safe.
One of my favorite parts about Telluride Mountain is the See Forever run... a fairly cruiser blue off the summit at 12,200 feet.
“I’m just going to sit for a bit Carmen..”
Well, considering I took my pulse ox at summit at 80%, it’s probably not surprising I was feeling it quite a bit. I decided to call it a day after that. I was pretty frustrated and was cursing my lung nodules and letting myself go this year (COVID + cancer + emotional eating is not a good combo). I had to try and remind myself that just being out there was a bit of an accomplishment, #outlivingit, and a little bit of bad assery. My morbid thought of the day was that I guess I’ll just have to live till another winter and get in better shape so I can ski better. Perhaps it’s more motivational than morbid, probably depends on your perspective.
And that brings us to today, New Year’s Eve. I’ve been doing a lot of mental reflecting back on the year, as I think most do. The challenges of COVID have obviously touched us all. Throw my cancer diagnosis on top of that and it’s been quite the year, to say the least. There’s been a fair share of “suck”, but I can’t forget the good things as well. Professionally, I’ve continued to progress, transitioned out of an interim chair role, started a major research project, continued to build strong relationships with students and colleagues. Personally, while my health hasn’t been the best, both in terms of general fitness/weight as well as the cancer, I’ve felt more confident and comfortable in myself (woo hoo 30s). I’ve managed the pandemic pretty well so far, staying safe but also living my life and taking advantage of some adventuring in responsible ways. I got through the semester and reinforced the fact that caring about your students goes a long way, and simply being a real human can be some of the best pedagogy of all.
We’re not out of the woods yet folks. Tonight, when the clock strikes midnight, I have no illusions of everything getting back to normal. I’ve been delighted to see so many of my friends in healthcare who have already received their first vaccine dose and am happy for the hope it has provided. Yet, as things continue to roll out, I’m sure there will be unrest over distribution, anti-fax nonsense, etc. I’ve seen some bat-shit crazy posts on social media about a civil war being the next step to solving the divide in our country. Seriously, WTF. I recognize it’s been hard, and at varying levels for all, but let’s not get out of hand. Hopefully as things begin to open back up, people’s fear response and heightened defensiveness will settle down a bit.
I’ve made/remade my plans for going home. Originally, I was supposed to meet up with some friends at my mom’s in Phoenix to run the virtual Disney half marathon. But with ongoing COVID concerns that seemed unwise, so instead I’ll attempt to do it at home after flying back on the 7th out of GJ (an extra short flight and airport, so will get comfy in my N95!). I haven’t really trained since moving to infusion chemo, so likely will just walk it all, but will be some nice planned activity to get me out of the house.
I’ll also be able to do my next treatment on the 8th, minimizing the length of my extended break. 3 more rounds and then I think we’ll scan. I’m anxious to see if this stuff is working. Otherwise, I’ll self-quarantine post travel for a bit and get back to work. It’ll be nice to see Riley again (she’s been in good hands! Thanks Amy!), to have my own routine, but I am so going to miss the family. I’m prepping myself for some serious post-visit blues, and will have to find plenty to distract myself from it all. That and remind myself how lucky I’ve been to be able to spend the last 6 weeks like I have.
Happy New Year’s folks! I wish you a 2021 full of things to be grateful for. Let us take away the good from 2020, and leave behind the bad. Keep staying smart and safe and look forward to the good times ahead.
