In the Thick of It

Hello friends, back to me again after another terrific guest post from Karyn.  It was so nice having her here this weekend!  Just spending time with her one-on-one was a treat as it doesn't happen that often!  It was great to chat with her about work, family, life, Bertha, and everything in between.  She also makes a mean grilled cheese, chicken and dumplings, turkey burger, and chocolate chip cookie!  I can't thank her enough.

Here's a pic of Sunday's "activities":

Lots of laying...

Typical Sunday of a bit of soreness, tiredness, and overall malaise. This continued into Monday...fortunately, I didn't have any work obligations until giving an exam at 4:30 pm so spend the morning in bed, alternating between working and napping.  Not a bad plan really.  I was still pretty worked when I proctored the exam (students seemed more miserable than me...not sure if that's a good thing or not).  

I was taken aback when leaving campus, I was nearly blindsided by a car that blew through a red light ~25-30 mph and nearly took out my driver's side.  I guess I can be grateful for the fact my brain was working a little slow and I hesitated on my green light.

Unfortunately Monday ended up on another sad note when my mom called and shared really sad and tragic news from the St. Louis family...a freak deer-in-the-road car accident resulting in a life taken way too early, of a vibrant 17 year old cousin (2nd, 3rd, twice removed, who knows).  My heart goes out to them, and unfortunately it was a stark reminder that life really can be short, and that as hard as all this is, it still is life and that is not to be taken for granted.

My mom, fresh off her trip from Ireland and Scotland (which was fantastic!) shared that she sort of feels like she's in a real run of bad luck....

and while I can see what she means, I also told her that when you're blessed with a lot of people you love and that love you, you're bound to have to experience the hurt...

Not sure when I became the optimist of us too, but in my sleepiness at 10 pm it made sense :)

Today (Tuesday) was honestly a bit of a struggle as well, despite going to bed with the aforementioned optimism.  I was tired, I got all sweaty and was having serious thermoregulatory issues mid-day.  Having to teach statistics probably didn't really help...

I was tired.  I know I get to be because of the chemo but still, it made me feel weak.  It took a lot to tell myself it was ok to sit in my chair and not use my standing desk setup.  And it took A LOT out of me to take a few minutes and chill before my last meeting.

Yes that's a yoga mat, and yes, that's my office.

Even just "resting" for 5 minutes really helped.  It also helped that my last meeting of the day was with Honors students who were appreciative of my efforts to help them and generally seemed enthusiastic about learning.  

Heading to the running store after didn't seem so hard after all.  Meanwhile, my BFF Alexis took the cancer diagnosis "public" on facebook.  It's been AMAZING to see all the positive and heartfelt comments from everyone.  I can't thank everyone enough.  

Speaking of support, I'll leave with this lovely card I got today:

Surprises

Anne's off to bed and I leave in the morning, so it's my turn to "guest blog."  Yikes.

If there's one thing worth saying, it's, "Nice work, everybody."  There is no doubt being here that Anne is well loved.  We made a greeting card garland out of her cards, since the mantle on the fireplace could no longer handle them all.  There are care packages and gift baskets, hats and free running shoes, scarves in every color and print, gift cards, not just a wig but a wig stand along with wig styling and care supplies.  Beautiful hand crocheted blankets and handmade cards.  Friends dropping off muffins.  Colleagues stopping by the office before calling it quits for the weekend to check on her.  Students giving her shout outs as we walked down the street.

I am completely impressed with this gorgeous, strong, positive woman at my side.  Perhaps I should have expected it.  But it's actually easy to forget that Anne is sick.  Her scarves (which are fantastic and perfectly coordinated with her outfits I might add) have just migrated from her neck to her head.  Sure we had a lazy Sunday, but we all like to have those when we can.  She just goes about her days taking care of business doing one thing and then the next.  Medical appointments, errands, work, meals out, mowing the lawn... All delusions I may have had about taking care of sickie went out the window by the time I'd been here one day.

Every once in a while I remember.  Oh yeah, there are rubber gloves on the table because Anne is "toxic" for 48 hrs after her chemo treatment.  She rather go for a brisk walk then a run or play tennis.  Bedtime does come a little earlier.  And the people at the clinic greeted her by name when she walks in on Saturday morning.  So the signs are there.  But you can't see it in her face.  And her smile is genuine.

I feel so lucky to have spent this relaxing weekend together, swapping stories about life in Dayton and life in California.  Here's to hoping that a bit of breakfast in bed, a few home-cooked meals, an oil change, and some good company lightened your load a bit.  Love you so much!

Maybe a haiku for the road?  Hard to resist a poem I love for someone I love...  xoxo

Amazing Anne
   Grace and beauty shine,
   From inner strength and resolve.
   Already healing.

Three Down

Third treatment this morning and happy to report all continues to go well! Went directly to a meeting on campus, toured Karyn around a bit, then another meeting. These types of meetings would tire anyone out and cause possible headaches and naseau so I'm not too concerned that I a little wiped writing this. 

One more of this round of treatment it two weeks, after I spend next weekend in Minnesota cheering on my dear friend in the marathon we were supposed to be running together. After that a two or three week break (to be determined at my follow up in two weeks...nice it won't be another handing over of $50 copay for a "keep soldiering on"), and then I start a different drug on a weekly basis for twelve weeks. 

Currently relaxing, checking email, got to love this shot of my inbox 

Thanks mint.com for that helpful reminder. 

Also, pretty much all the hair is gone! 

And I'm slowly developing a sweet tan line from my scarves. 

I'll probably try to convince Karyn to guest post. As always thanks for the good thoughts, gifts, support, vent sessions etc. People can be amazing and that in itself is great motivation to make it through this. 

PSA!

My sister-in-law's post about Alice being a month old (already!) reminded me of something I wanted to post about...

I want YOU to do a self-exam!

HAVE YOU DONE YOUR MONTHLY SELF BREAST EXAM LADIES?

My guess is that most of my female friends and family did when they found out about what was going on with me (I'm hoping at least!) in early to mid August.  Whelp, it's mid-September.  Time flies.

Not sure how?  Here's some easy steps:

Pick a method (circles, up and down, whatever) and stick to it.  Notice any differences between breasts, changes, etc.  It's most helpful to do at the same time in your menstrual cycle.  Any concerns?  Tell your doc (family, gyno, whatever).  If you're not sure you're doing it right, show your doc and let them correct you.

Do self exams prevent cancer? No.  Can they help detect it earlier?  Absolutely.  Does early detection allow for additional treatment options and boost survival and quality of life statistics?  You bet.

Guys, you're not immune, you've got your own stuff to take care of: How to Do a Testicular Self-Exam.  Plus, it's also on you to remind your sisters, mom, wives, girlfriends, etc.  And hey, if you want to join in and help them do the checks (talking about the wives and girlfriends here), they may not mind...

Add it to your calendar, use one of the smart phone apps designed to remind you and provide info, whatever.  Just get it done.  Make it like paying your rent or mortgage or any other monthly task.  I wish I had been more diligent...I would have been able to provide more information and perhaps earlier information to my doctor.  I know we're still a few weeks from official Breast Cancer Awareness Month, but cancer doesn't wait, so you shouldn't either.

THUD.

That's me jumping off my soapbox.  

In other news...

-I bought a VivoFit  activity tracker so I don't get chemo-lazy about not being active throughout the day....or if I do, at least I know about it.

-After working a full day yesterday including moving boxes, restocking expo products, etc, I crashed at about 8 pm...apparently my endurance levels are dropping.

-I finally ordered a wig!  Pictures when it arrives...thanks to the broomball team for generous gift certificate to our favorite catalog to help with it.

-I started paying bills (exclamation point???)  Trying to match EOBs with actual bills is a PITA.  Forthcoming post on that at some point.

-Oh Peyton, why couldn't you have just not thrown that pick...

-Had my first booze in awhile...

mmmm brunch bloody mary...

at a brunch that could have been deserving of it's own blog post.  Great patio at a great place, Lily's in the Oregon District.  Unfortunately our server was...well, something to be desired.  We ended up getting the meal comped due to waiting literally an hour and a half for our food, which we alerted staff to.  It was tasty, and the hot sauce (that said server then "borrowed" off of our table mid-meal) was delicious.  All in all though, a few hours spent with good friends having great conversation isn't something to be complained about, so was happy to start my Sunday in this way!

Thanks for reading, now go

#noteachFriday

Happy to report I spent this morning lounging in bed for awhile as a "reward" for a long, but doable day yesterday.  I worked at the Running Store for the first time in awhile...a nice excuse to use the casual beanie from seester Karyn

Cancer hasn't taken away my creepy neck tendon/vein when I awkwardly smile.

 

Ate some chocolate cake while watching the Biggest Loser...yes I do see the irony in that.

 

 

This morning, after lounging in bed I had a relaxing breakfast flipping through Sports Illustrated when I came across this:

KMOX Radio

 

Anyone that knows anything about the Cardinals, St. Louis, or my Pops knows this strikes a cord...some story about driving to the top of a hill and listening to static-y broadcasts when living in Chicago....it's pretty legendary.  And it brought a smile to my face to think of my dad.

 

I've thought about him a lot through all of this (him as in my dad, not Him, like God/Jesus...most of you probably realize I'm not overly religious in a traditional sense...I'm sure there's a future blog post about that at some point).  I've said a number of times that dealing with the tragedy that was my dad's passing in a way has prepared me for this "tragedy".  I know how to ask for help.  I am fairly self-aware of my coping mechanisms...both those that are healthy and those that aren't as much.  I know what it's like to go a day without thinking about what's happened and almost feeling guilty for it and I know what it's like to be reminded of what's happening at every turn, magazine pages or otherwise.  Most importantly, I know this.  I miss him.  He'd be in my corner through this, and in some way, he still is.  Dad was much more stubborn than Mom, and before we lost him, he had just fought through being at the brink and came back stronger.  So thanks Pops, for helping, along with Mom and everyone else for shaping me into the person I am.  To borrow a phrase from my AP English autobiography in high school, I was a like a lump of clay that has been molded by those around me, into who I am. 

 

Enough sap.  Rude interruption, right?  Much like I was rudely interrupted by my phone alarm alerting me the appointment I thought was at 11 (hence the lazy morning) was actually at 10.  I quickly gathered my things and headed out to:

Maple Tree Cancer Alliance Welcome Packet

 

my appointment at the Maple Tree Cancer Alliance.  This is the exercise facility I may have mentioned previously...small-world, the woman who started it modeled it after the Rocky Mountain Cancer Rehabilitation Center in Greeley in collaboration with UNC.  She overlapped with a guy from my PhD committee and I heard presentations from both of her research mentors.  Anyways, we've been through why exercise is good so the goal of this NON-PROFIT (how cool) is to help people exercise during and after treatment. 

 

Today's visit (that I was thankfully only 10 min late too, though I HATE being late), was the preliminary screening/fitness testing.  I'll have to share with my students that we teach them what we do for a reason, as I was on the "other side" of a treadmill test to estimate maximal oxygen consumption, a body fat analysis, grip strength and muscular endurance via sit-ups.  I'm a little detrained, but overall was fine with where I'm at.   After I get my doctor's note, I'll schedule my FREE! 1-1 appointments to train.  I don't really need the knowledge or even really the facilities, but I know that having exercise scheduled will keep me on a routine, so that when I feel worse, I'm still doing it, so that I can feel better.

While driving home and removing my sweaty stocking cap, I had a momentary "Oh my god I look awful, I wonder if people are going to stare at me!" moment in the care.  See above reference to Pops looking out for me as at that moment I checked my rearview mirror and saw this:

Rawr

 

It's hard to see, but the lady had tiger face-paint on.

 

So yeah, we all have our own thing going on.......

Lunch with a friend and a little low-key tennis with Physical Therapy students and faculty followed,

Perfect weather! Go Flyers!

 

then an Academic Senate meeting (they are looking for a Parliamentarian, perhaps I should start reading up on Robert's Rules of Order ahemmmm no thanks...) and then back to the store to work, where I'm currently posting from.  Good thing we aren't too busy so I can write!  I'm pleased to say that I'm feeling well, even after long days and lots of activity.  Thankful for that for sure!

 

Happy Friday All!

Feeling Better and Falling Out

A better day today general feeling-wise...had much more energy throughout the whole day, despite doing more as well.

Starting the day off with this google search:

Probably won't be the first time...

There were lots of options, but luckily I just went with treating the scarf like hair and basically doing a ponytail.  Forgot to take a picture...sorry friends, but must have done a good job though because got a few compliments including one that I don't even think was a "I know you have cancer so I'm going to compliment your headwrap because I know why you're wearing it" but was actually just a "I like your scarf!".  

It's still a little tough (and by still I mean, it's day 2...I'm not a patient person) getting up in front of a group of students with the new look.  Even though they know why I look the way I do, it still seems like I'm more exposed when all eyes are on me than even when just in a regular group or out and about.  

Another benefit of the head scarfs is that it stops me from playing with/picking at my hair.  I tend to rub it and unfortunately, it's coming out it chunks!  Ew.

Patches!!

It will probably just be better when it's all out!  It's a bit itchy right now.  So I may just go to wearing the stocking caps around the house to prevent me from picking at it...gross, I know.  Sorry, this is the tell all.

Anyways, meetings, teaching, work, etc, basically status quo.  Just thought I'd let you all know I'm feeling better!

I'm Getting the Good Stuff...

After the excitement of the weekend, I was pretty worn out.  I spent most of Sunday after dropping Sarah off relaxing and napping.

I've decided that Sundays kind of suck...I think it's probably the steroid wearing off in combination with the Neulasta shot.  Maybe it was the fact I didn't have hair, but I FELT like I was in chemo.

This morning I decided to take it easy and do some work from home...literally from my bed.  Thank god for wifi.  I wasn't feeling terrible but definitely wasn't a 100%.  Since I didn't have any obligations till the afternoon, I figured, why not, take it easy.

After lunch, managed to get myself ready to head out...

Scarf selfie!

First stop was at the shrink, which I'll tell you becomes a whole different conversation post-cancer than not.  But it's good to make sure I'm not going too crazy (or at least crazier than pre-cancer...)

Committee meeting after then class at 4:30.  I definitely wasn't feeling totally up to snuff, but managed fairly well I think.  Hopefully even if I can't deliver my classes with quite the same vigor, at least my students will appreciate my dedication and hopefully get something out of that.  I mistakenly dismissed my class early (this has happened before as well), but overall, we survived.  

Wearing the scarf was a bit of a new thing...I think people noticed.  No one really said anything except one coworker who complimented.  My guess is that people didn't know what to say?  I feel like the scarf sort of screams "I have cancer!", but maybe not since I have eyebrows still?  Who knows.  Today, I was probably too tired to care.

Don't worry friends and family, all is not awful.  I'm still doing pretty well, all things considered.  Today was just not as good as some prior.   And I wouldn't be me if I wasn't straightforward and honest.  So I won't sugarcoat today with cynicism and sarcasm, or jokes and smiles.  I'll tell it like it is and say I'm pretty convinced they are giving me the good stuff.  Watch out Bertha.

Taking Control of What I Can

Sorry all, back to me, Anne for this one.  But I must say, Sarah did an excellent job and I think the guest blogger idea will have to make a comeback at some point.

Saturday started off with breakfast in bed service courtesy of Sherpa Sarah, and I must admit was one of the better breakfast sandwiches I've eaten in awhile!  It was a beautiful weekend here, so got some yard work done, then off to the store to get some essentials as well as some supplies for having a few friends over in the afternoon.  Sarah was an awesome helper, prepping food while I went and got my immuno-booster shot.  A quick nap for me (was a little tired, but otherwise feeling good) and then UD friends came over for food and fun.

Ladder ball toss! Thanks Idaho Crecelii!

After a delicious dinner, some games, and a this time successful fire (wahoo for dry wood!), I said "so you guys want to help me shave my head?".

Throughout the day, I had played with my hair as I normally do, and each time, fairly decent sized chunks were starting to come out.  This was on the predictable time schedule, perhaps even a bit late, but as the nurse said, sometimes a second treatment is needed.  Also, when I had taken a long sleeve shirt off to get my shot, noticed quite a bit of shedding on my undershirt.  Soooo, rather than let these gross chunks continue, since I had family and friends around me, I decided it was time.

I think maybe best to let the video and pictures do the talking...

The first cut is the deepest...or in my case, the one that gets a little too close...

I let everyone take a good hack with the scissors then wanted my GI Jane moment...

Like Sarah said, life isn't like the movies.

Helped that Adam then read the directions and realized that we didn't actually have the clippers fully extended, which explained why they weren't cutting great (rather than just that they were only $10 that day at Meijer).

Awkward mid-cut shots

Can I just borrow some of yours Sarah?

Fabulous friends!

The new look!

First impressions of being essentially hairless:

1) It's cold!

2) The stubble gets caught on things like hoods and hats

3) Your own buzzed head is just as fun to rub as other people's.

The fun and excitement of the haircut wore me out pretty good.  After my first serious nauseous moment this morning managed to sleep a few more hours.  Went on a short jog/run with Sarah in the continuing beautiful weather then got lunch (mmmm Jimmy John's) and stopped by Runners Plus to do some shopping.  Was a little weird to take my stocking cap off there and "show off" the lack of hair, but thankfully my head is not overly misshapen.  

Just got home not long ago from a tough goodbye at the airport with Sarah and will rest some more after finishing this post.  I'm still feeling well, but I think Sundays will continue to be tough as the steroid and iv anti nausea meds I get Friday wear off, and the bone and muscle stiffness and pain from the Neulasta/immuno-booster start.  

The haircut definitely makes it all feel a bit more real, and I think it was time for that.  I could have probably waited a few more days, but making the shaving seem like an event, and one that I chose to happen seemed like the best idea, especially considering I lack choice in much of this.   

I'm sure that a scarf-day at work tomorrow will be a bit different, and I'll need to order a wig at some point, but it continues to be another step along this process.  And, maybe some birds will appreciate all the new material we gave them for nests!

A day in the life… and no Anne, life isn't like the movies. Or is it…?

"We interrupt your regularly scheduled events for a special message…"

well i (sherpa sarah) write this as a "guest blogger". so this commercial break may not be as quick-witted with scientific interludes as the usual programming, but i promise to do my best. i was thinking in a couple weeks when the best big sister in the wold is around - you would be likely to be reading a simple, yet amazingly beautiful poem, but instead you will most likely be getting a long-winded account of our day, the day of the second round of treatment to "KILL BERTHA", that might have been better summarized in a single paragraph.

things i learned today: all about chemo, footers, thermometers, that david decovenay (sp?) is still attractive, and that my little sister is amazing - but i already knew that!

the morning started.
sarah: hey can i have an english muffin for breakfast?
anne: sure. want to feel bertha?
and so i proceeded to grab a boob before breakfast - something i've never done before!! i was shocked. i don't know what i was expecting… but it was not that. i had no idea what "pretty big" meant. now i do. i can not believe that is inside of my sister. or anyone else. but especially my sister.
sarah: wow. i had no idea. (insert a moment of shocked silence) well for once you have the big, firm, perky boob(s) you always wanted!
laughter is often the best medicine :) and we continued to laugh and joke in true crecelii style.

we packed the "cancer bag(s)" which was buried under the plethora of gifts and cards and well-wishes. we were on our way with laptops, homemade blanket from stranger, snacks and good vibes in tow. hence my nickname of sherpa sarah.

as we waited for anne to be called in for her appointment, a nurse came out and called the name, "Bertha?" we both ACTUALLY flinched!! hahaha…. had to laugh at the fact that the nurse was referring to an elderly female patient sitting across from us, most likely wishing we would shut the heck up, and not to ANNE'S bertha.

as we sat and waited for the first of 3 or 4, i lost track, "rounds" of medicine or treatments…. i began to sift through the catalog of hats and wigs. i came upon what i think is pretty darn hideous…. the turban.

anne agreed with me and as we continued to poke fun at the turban… of course in true crecelii style…. we both noticed the elderly woman 2 chairs down from anne wearing one. no, i don't think it was bertha, another lady. hopefully she was slightly hard of hearing or her turban was blocking out some of the remarks we had made. it looked great on her though! it did! just not anne's style :)

so i watched as deina, the steelers fan nurse, jabbed something into anne's port - which i decided was a GREAT decision after we joked with and witnessed another patient for about 20 minutes while the nurse tried to find a good vein. at least she had a "cheering section" as someone shouted from the other side of the room once they finally found a good vein in her hand! 

i kept asking… "can't you feel that, anne? can't you feel it all going into your veins?" i guess i was vibing g'ma tucci for a moment :)

after a few pre-party cocktails… here's the good stuff ---- up in the top bag. (take note of creepy mannequin head in the corner)

and here's what anne does while getting her second chemo treatment… facetimes her friends! and even tickles the screen… don't ask.  (that's the lady we cheered for in the background)

we left a few hours later, walking out to the sound of the playful giggle of an adorable boy filling that "cancer center" with smiles everywhere within ear-shot and then through a cloud of smoke from an older gentlemen who lit up immediately outside the main doors. is that irony?

all in all - the treatment seemed to go well. no scientific reports in this post, but she took it like a champ!! it was an interesting experience. there were moments i sat and saw a room full of patients covered in blankets, with this invasive thing inside them, with so many willing it to be gone - including these powerful drugs hanging from metal hangers. then i saw a room full of people; an elderly woman holding her husband's hand as another woman sat alone in a turban just 2 chairs away, as 2 sisters sat gabbing and clicking away at their keyboards….. healing water dripping from metal trees and brave men and women under blankets - because it's FRICKIN' FREEZING in there!! seriously though, i thought about the people and not the disease. it made my heart smile a little. strength. courage. determination. the power of the human spirit and human will at work. and modern medicine too, i suppose.

i figured being here with anne, and going with her might make it all seem a bit more real - but as we talked about it later in the car, a lot of it still doesn't seem quite real sometimes, even for her. we reminded ourselves (as i've reminded her so many times before!) that life's not like it is in the movies. she shared how all along the way (from diagnosis to the start of these treatments) it isn't like hollywood makes you believe it might be. but it is real. and we decided maybe that's just life. some days are more real than others. i'm just glad things have gone well enough so far that some days it doesn't seem so real.

on to some cool art on anne's campus

and our lunch dates picked us up in this sweet ride!! it needs a nickname i decided… if i could remember my catholic upbringing just a little better - maybe i'd remember the name of the pope-mobile thing el papa rides around in and i would come up with a clever one myself in honor of UD's religious affiliation.

and as i sat in anne's office while she attended a meeting in the afternoon (did you forget about the part where she's a rockstar?!?) i started to wonder what she's really teaching…. :)

P.S. by the way… nice new digs! way to provide UD! what the heck am i doing teaching in k-12 public schools???

and so we headed home for a relaxing night in - with of course a stop at DQ for a post treatment treat. watched a movie about steve jobs and decided that in order to be uber successful in modern societal terms - you have to be a real jerk. and i think we're both glad we're not uber successful in those terms and neither of us are jerks :) then we decided to order some really unhealthy takeout to be delivered… but alas that IS a salad amidst the chicken wings, pizza, and meatball sub!
anne: why not???

one last movie to end this first day of my "vacation" (even though i'm not allowed to call it that according to the statement i signed when i took my personal necessity leave at my new school district).

we watched, THE WAY. 

if you haven't seen it… read the book. i'm sure it's better than the movie. 

just about people on a pilgrimage. walking the way. and it was fabulously fitting. we all are on a journey. a pilgrimage of sorts. some carrying loads heavier than others, some loads unknown to others. yet we continue walking on. 

and others are there to join us and walk alongside us. to help carry the load when it seems to heavy to bear. to listen when wanting to be heard. to just be near. or to stay away from at times. to distract. to encourage.

and i thought maybe life is a like the movies… maybe just not the cancer movies :)

it was a beautiful film to watch at this moment in our lives.

…. well i watched while i listened to the steady, peaceful breathing of my "little" sister as she slept :)

with that thing in her chest. with it shrinking. with her fighting it - and winning. 

"buen camino"

Grateful Observations

So this is what "checking the mail" was like before cancer:

Anybody  in therrrrrre?

Maybe the occasional 'let's kill trees for no reason' coupon book. 

What checking the mail has been like after cancer:

Yes I did forget to write the sign backwards the first time.

But here's the other thing, it's a bit like roulette...

Bills? Test results? Junk mail?  Who knows?!

Today's spin...

Not too bad...

1 Medical Bill (Biopsy Procedure- Initial Cost: $2000, My Portion: ~$200), 1 Hospital Survey, and 1 $10 Rewards Card from AT&T.  I'll take it!

Here's my other major grateful moment of the day...looking at the $20,000 port placement bill and seeing patient costs that were fairly non-existent.  Say what you want about the Affordable Health Care Act (aka Obamacare) but looking at insurance bills today, if I was participating in the latest Facebook trend of 3 things I'm grateful for today, I would definitely say:

• Having good coverage (Thanks UD!)
• The elimination of lifetime maximum limits (I'm on my way...)
• The elimination of pre-existing conditions (In case I ever want to thank someone other than UD for having coverage)

In other wordly news, Ma is on the hunt for a lucky leprechaun for me and first sister-visit starts late tomorrow...can't wait!

Remarkable and Unremarkable

REMARKABLE:
Forgot to mention this yesterday...at about 5pm, I cleaned my glasses that I had been wearing all day and realized that they were not mine...

Twins!

Not only is my dear friend Emily that I spent the weekend with a great person, but apparently, we have essentially the same prescription.  I really couldn't tell a difference all day.  I'd say that's pretty remarkable.

REMARKABLE:
I got a package at my door today, which in itself is not remarkable given all you people being overly generous and showering me with love, support, packages, etc.  I didn't recognize the name or address in Minnesota, but thought perhaps it was an Etsy shop or something.  To my surprise, I found a card addressed to me with caring words from Susie, someone who volunteers with my good friend's parents (and my second set of parents) at Children's Hospital. Beneath Susie's kind words:

Stunning.

A beautiful hand crocheted afghan (in colors that are so "me"!) and a great fuzzy hat, that I'll affectionately call my Cookie Monster hat as it perfectly matches the jacket of the same nickname that I already have.  Susie is a survivor so knows first hand what an extra bit of warmth can do to get you through chemo.

Susie the Stranger, you are remarkable.

UNREMARKABLE:

Went to my oncologist this afternoon for the standard 2-week follow-up that I'll do throughout chemo.  Overall, a pretty unremarkable appointment.  "Are you sure you guys are giving me the good stuff? I feel fine!".  He seemed to think Big Bertha has softened a bit and her gang of nodes were smaller as well, all good stuff.  More importantly, the results from the CT scan to detect possible metastases last week were pushed to my patient account:

UNREMARKABLE!

I guess cancer does change things, as I never thought I'd be so happy to be unremarkable.

A Beautiful Birthday

Happy 29th birthday to me (yesterday...).

Before I get into what ended up being a really great day, I should say.  I'm not actually that big of a fan of my birthday.  I find them to often be a lot like New Year's...a lot of build-up and anticipation of what can often be less fun than a random Tuesday.  Over the years I've had a few notable less-than-awesome ones, that I should probably be glad I'm not going to find pictures from...the family might remember the high school one where I balled because Dad was watching a game and my presents weren't great...

Lacking the 3D hologram effect of the one from Marc and Sarah

and I had lost my tennis match that day.  Colorado friends might remember the "I had to have the stomach flu because I can handle light beer better than that" experience of late, and other not overly awesome ones in between.  Last year, I thought I might have reversed the trend with a great time at a Reds game, but alas, I was sort of prepared for another "whomp, whomp" kind of day.

I should have known better and had faith that my awesome friends and family wouldn't let that happen...and they didn't.

We started the day with a trip to Trader Joe's to prepare for the evening where I got a super cute free reusable bag because Emily felt the need to inform our checker it was my birthday.  Then despite the clouds, went and visited Young's Dairy, out past Yellow Springs (Yes, the Yellow Springs associated with Dave Chappelle).  

While somewhat underwhelming, it was a fun time of animals, delicious cheese curds and ice cream ("this is definitely the best flavor...it might give you diabetes but it's delicious"...credit the 15 year old for trying to sell me on it?).

 

Animals in the barn chilling.

Rain managed to hold off to allow for a lovely hike in John Bryan State Park with these compadres:

Happy times!

Made a stop by a coworker's house on the way home to chat and let kids play then headed home to prepare for having friends over.

A successful grilling experience, a less than successful bonfire experience (I blame the wet wood and lack of an ax to make proper kindling...I do know how to build a fire, I promise), fun times playing Kan Jam and Cards Against Humanity (awesomely inappropriate game if you aren't aware...i.e. perfect for me, thanks Jen!), and birthday cake candle blowing out later, and it was a really great evening.  

I feel so lucky to have friends that can be friends with each other, that can laugh at my semi-inappropriate jokes about my current situation of having cancer, and that overwhelmed me with delicious chocolate things to eat.  

Andria's adorable contribution to the fun.

It would be unfair if I didn't also acknowledge the numerous texts, phonecalls, voicemails, Facebook messages/shout outs, cards, presents etc from folks throughout the day and that I know are still even forthcoming.  So, THANK YOU!    

All in all it was just a really good, fun, normal day.  A perfect way to start what I'm sure will be a year to remember, but hopefully will also have many more good, fun days.

Friday's CT Scan

Posting a few days late...apologies.

Had a CT Scan Friday morning for a couple reasons:
1- Because the cancer is likely in the lymph nodes (the start of the lymph system, which essentially drain fluid and wastes), the chances of cancer cells being spread throughout the body (become metastatic) is possible.  A CT Scan will determine whether there are any concerning areas in the chest, abdomen or pelvis.

2- The breast MRI I got last week showed a suspicious spot on the sternum that given everything else, deserved additional examination.  

Through all of this, I'm learning why radiology  is a field deserving of it's own medical specialty.  It's really a whole heck of a lot of physics, in terms of sound, electromagnetism, and radiation.  And in general, it's interesting the levels of imaging that are done from a cost, safety to patients perspective.  The academic in me thinks it would probably make a pretty good dissertation topic of study (that's probably already been done) to examine some of the past and current practices by which all of these different technologies are used.  Yes, I realize I'm a dork.

After arriving at the hospital (which now I knew my way to radiology in...) and registering, the first step was to insert an i.v. for a blood draw.  Funny moment of this step...like at many hospitals, all employees wear badges displaying the unit with which they are affiliated.  The gentleman putting my i.v. had his badge turned a bit and I thought it said:

RADIOLOGY

AMIGO

to which I thought "huh, well, I guess he's my friend and maybe he speaks Spanish???".  So because I've decided to make all of the medical appointments as enjoyable as possible and engage in conversation with the various medical persons involved, I asked him about it.  Turns out, it said:

 RADIOLOGY

ANGIO

Yeah, that would make more sense.

Next step in the process was to drink the oral contrast agent over the period of about an hour or so....

Sure...I'll take the lemonade flavor...

Kinda awkward to sit in a waiting room with 4 other people doing the same thing (hmmm...wonder what's wrong with them!).

After that, it was actually a very quick process.  Got to leave my clothes on and everything, a few "hold your breaths" and a very interesting experience with the iv contrast agent that as more than one of the staff had told me "will make you feel like you're going to pee your pants but I PROMISE you that you won't" (Spoiler Alert: I didn't).

This CT Scanner could be yours for a low cost of 200K!

Results should come Monday, either from my surgeon or perhaps just at my appointment with my oncologist in the afternoon.  Also seen at the hospital that made me chuckle.  A vanity plate in the parking lot that said:

INTUB8

After the scan I enjoyed my non-teaching morning doing work at Panera, where I decided that I need to start a blog a la Texts From Last Night called "Conversations at the Coffee Shop", because, man, there were some doozies.  Also, I really hope the girl who was applying for the job at the March of Dimes gets it because based on her phone interview (of which I witnessed the entirety of), she really is a good candidate.

Lunch with a good friend followed, then our fall all-school faculty meeting.  Imagine like the Apple corporate meetings about new iPhones and such but people in suits, far less impressive presentations (properly branded PowerPoints...which by the way, I never appreciated "branding" until I met the aforementioned good friend who has educated me extensively in this area), and boring podiums.  So I guess nothing like it really, except an update and address for the faculty.  It went well, though I think many people I haven't seen in a bit were doing double-takes with the new short hairdo.

Friday night then consisted of spending time with my dear friend Emily, my former partner-in-crime at UD spearheading the creation of this (when at least I thought it'd be a massive failure) and her adorable little guy.  Also, I accidentally sent a pizza order to my old apartment.  Damn you online ordering!  Again, let's hope I was just distracted by the wonderful conversation and company and it wasn't a chemobrain effect.  Eventually got it right and it was delicious.

Physically felt great all day and should probably watch my whole eat whatever I want while I still have an appetite and lack of metal-mouth  otherwise soon none of my clothes will fit! :)

Exercising the Demons!

Man, it's been a few days.  And, while I realize some might jump to the negative conclusions (oh no, things aren't good!), it's actually quite the opposite.  The past few days, I've felt great, have kept myself busy, and have just really not had the time to post.  To recap the week:

Working at Runners Plus went well!  I handled a full day of work + work, with probably even more energy than I had at the end of last semester!  Taught my physiology class for first time (had missed last week on port-insertion day).  So another awkward "telling" but overall, a good group.

Physically, I've felt normal, which is great.  Emotionally, I've felt okay.  It's just a bit of a heavy weight at times.  Right now, I'm still in that early stage... "I just heard..."  "How are you doing?" "I'm so sorry".  Don't get me wrong, the outpouring of support is awesome.  I am truly amazed, literally every day. It just adds an extra layer onto a lot of things.  A walk down the hallway can be a stressful experience.  Take for instance the other day and this interaction with an administrator of mine:
Her: "Nice hair! I like it"
Me: "Yeah, thanks..." (not looking super thrilled)
Her: "Oh what, do you not like it?!"
Me: "Oh, no, I do, it's just that...yeah, I like it, well I cut it because..."
Cue 5 min conversation...

Might need to put an order in for this...

I understand I'm bringing some of this upon myself by telling people, by not going out to get a perfectly matching wig, by not really paying attention to whether the steri-strips above my port are showing or not.  But not telling people feels like running away, and I don't run away from fights.  In fact, I probably run to them.  

I think part of what I've been dealing with this week is that the rest of me, the non-cancer Anne, has finally gotten back into focus.  I haven't been Anne C-R-E-C-E-L-I-U-S, 09/06/85, Yes Anthem is my insurance.  I've been Dr. Crecelius (which still sounds weird) or Professor, or just Anne.  And I like that. It's refreshing.  At the same time, I am still Cancer Anne.  Bertha is still there, hopefully not going quite as strong, but still there.  So like a wise woman (my awesome mom) always says, it's all about BALANCE!

Have had this engraved reminder for awhile.

So it's a balancing act.  Balancing this current situation with my normal life.  I've said this before though.

On the fun/normal side of the balance sheet, have spent the past couple of nights having dinner with friends (including delicious yet predictable GI distress from here), thankfully recovering my phone that I had forgotten in a bathroom stall that some kind soul had turned in (hope that isn't chemo-brain sinking in), and getting all worked up about workplace frustrations that will remain vague and not described in this open-access forum.  

But on to what I actually was planning on discussing in this post, as the title may allude to...EXERCISE.  

I've been doing a pretty good job with this, even after the "Jillian kicked my ass and I was tired and sore for a whole day" day.  Skipped Tuesday because of the long day at workS, rode my bike to work yesterday, and today, ran (i.e. jogged) to work in the morning to ride my bike home and played tennis with my grad student advisee. It felt good, and I want to do it while I can.  

There's a lot of info out there on why exercise is good, and perhaps it's because I'm back in teacher-mode but I thought I'd share some real data on the subject.  

After a number of studies have been done on a topic, often times, in order to come to a consensus on "what does the scientific literature say", a meta-analysis is done.  As it may suggest if you're capable of using root words to help you process unfamiliar terms (a skill I desperately try to teach my students), this is a big-picture, overview examination of the topic, a systematic review of the literature.  

So, for a topic such as "what are the impacts of physical exercise on breast cancer patients and survivors", the results look like this:

What does this mean?  Exercise, in general, improves health-related quality of life.

More specifically:

Ok, great Professor Crecelius, but we just care about your health  health, like physically!  That comes first, even before quality of life, right? So is exercise good for that?!

Yes.  

I'll save you from the data.  

Similar meta-analyses show improved physical outcomes with exercise during treatment.  Specifically, regarding the drug doxorubicin, which can be cardiotoxic (doctor speak for not so great for the ol' ticker), a number of studies have shown that exercise can help prevent and or minimize negative side-effects of this treatment.  Current studies are also looking at whether exercise may even make the treatment more effective in terms of survival, success of killing cancer, etc.  

I always like to end my classes with a take-home message:

I think I'd rather have this one.