Jambo! Swahili for hello!
TRIPS
I have to start with Africa. If you missed Erica's guest post, go read it now....I'll wait. Isn't she great? Wasn't the trip great? Yes, and yes.
Seriously, Africa was a great trip and Erica did a great job with the details, picture, and linking to the quick video of highlights I put together. If you haven't watched it, here it is again.
I'll run down some of my highlights and thoughts:
- Erica is a great: travel buddy, person, professional (ahemmm Educator of the Year...MSU All-College Teaching Award, among many other accolades), hype girl, empath, energy healer, conversationalist, the list could go on and on. From when I first pitched the idea to her, she's been a fantastic partner. The GoFundMe she organized that way too many people were way too generous with was the icing on an already sweet trip and plans. While we were in Africa, she put up with my coughing, sleep apnea, reduced capacity, and overactive mental state. The energy she brings is infectious....any of our guides could see it. She brings out the best in people, including me. Thank you friend for your role in such a fantastic trip!
- We picked a great operator. Bernard and his team at Nziza Hospitality, the folks they contracted with, it was all great. If you're considering a safari, consider them...and reach out to me for a bunch of other notes and details we paid attention to that I'm happy to share.
- The experience was really grounding. There's something about observing animals and their behavior that really connected me to earth, time, etc. Granted, many of these animals are "used to" humans, so the "natural" quality of their habitat could be questionable. But they are there naturally, with their families. And you can see it! The boisterous young elephants being herded along my older siblings or mothers. Brothers feasting together on a kill. Males kicked out of the matriarchal groups that find each other for support and company. Multiple animal species living alongside each other together, sharing resources. I could watch elephants walk all day. I could sit and stare at the baboons who stare back at you. I could spy on the big cats with my telephoto lens, and hold my breathe when you lock eyes. I wasn't on my phone (except for pictures), it was fairly simple eating (simple and delicious are not exclusive!), and lots of open space, and when it wasn't open, it was still beautiful.
- A lot of folks have asked what my favorite part was...it's a tough question when there were just so many wonderful things. The gorillas were a shining moment, probably made more memorable by the very real struggle to get there. I guess my body does still have some fight. I can do hard things. My stubbornness can be an asset (I think that's when we call it resilience?!). But there were plenty of small moments that were just as great, and the trip as a whole, doing it, not letting various things stop us, was also a highlight.
- I'm still processing. We saw so much, met so many people, heard so many stories. Thanks to the beauty of technology, things like WhatsApp and Instagram, we're still connected to many of them. We've gotten updates about the wonderful work our new friend Enos has done in Western Uganda empowering women and children through his Child Go Foundation. Our guides have checked on my health and how our return has been. There was a lot to take in personally, and also what we saw in passing (UN Refugee camps) or more intentionally (Genocide Memorial in Kigali, Rwanda) in regards to the greater world, our country, and changing times. I love the thinking and connections that travel forces for me.
And I've got a few more trips before really getting back to reality and classes starting. After a COVID induced delay, my siblings and I, courtesy of the generosity of the Karen Wellington Foundation, are headed to wet and Wild West Virginia for some rafting, hiking, and hanging out. The four of us have NEVER spent any real time together without spouses, kids, parents. Should be lots of fun!
I also have a work trip to DC for an exciting initiative from my professional society and will get to see some great friends and colleagues while there.
TATTOO
I did a thing and got a tattoo! Add it to the list of life achievements! People have asked why, and honestly, there's not a super great reason. Maybe because given my likely early expiration it is less of a commitment. Maybe because I watched a lot of InkMaster in the past few months. But yeah, here's the upper leg tat.
Katie Hutchins at Wells and Co did a fantastic job with the design and application.
What is the design you might ask? Well, the center is two wolves, one white, one black. You may have heard/seen the story of the 2 Wolves Inside You...basically the white is good, the black is evil, and the conclusion is that the one you feed will win. But other tellings of the story go a bit deeper, discussing the eternal fight within us, that sometimes we need that black wolf, and that really you have to feed them both in order to find peace and guide them both.
The two phrases around it are both Stoic mantras. Stoic like old school philsophy, Marcus Aurelius's Meditations, Seneca, etc. It's something I've gotten into a bit in recent times, mostly through the approachable Daily Stoic/Ryan Holiday modern take.
The latin translations:
amor fati - love one's fate
This one is all about not just accepting things both good and bad, but loving them. Taking the 'bad' and making it advantageous. If there was a phrase that inspires my own approach to cancer, it's this.
memento mori - death can come in a moment
This one is about the fact that death can find you in a moment, and thus, you shouldn't take life for granted. This one goes beyond Stoics, for sure, but is a central tenet.
So yeah, things I thought were good reminders. The design is specifically done so that it's "right side up" for me when I look at it (like every time I go to the bathroom), but also when it is looked at. Upper thigh allows me to show it when I want, but it's mostly hidden. It's for me.
TREATMENT AND THE TINGLES
Oh wouldn't it be nice if this was just a travel blog where I showed a new tattoo and checked in on what was going on in life? Not sure that anyone would really want to follow in that case, but alas, we all know there's the elephant in the room (not the ones I saw), but that beast that is my metastatic cancer diagnosis.
You might remember that I had been on some hormonal treatment with a bit of a molecular 'kicker'. And that there was a happy hug 3 months in. And then in another 3 months, a not so happy appointment as there was progression. We biopsied the lung mets (through the bronch scope) to check to make sure it was the same type (it was).
So back to infusion chemo.
This time it is Ixempra (ixabepilone). It's one of the couple remaining types of chemo I haven't yet tried in my previous 6 lines of treatment since May 2020 and the metastatic diagnosis. The infusion is once every 3 weeks. It's slow, about 3 hours.
I had my first treatment Wednesday, July 13. And you know what, chemo CAN suck. This was really the first time, or at least since back when I first had my "big" treatments in 2014 that it really sort of knocked me out. I rode a nice steroid high (one of the things they give along with anti-histamine and anti-nausea in the pre-treatment cocktail) through Wednesday that petered out Thursday afternoon. A busy Friday work day kept me distracted till the afternoon at which point I had to call it a day and head home. The weekend was all laying. Laying and aching. Trying to get comfortable, not succeeding. It's a general kind of all over malaise/ache that might resemble what some people go through with COVID. Your body hurts from the inside out. A side effect of the drug can be neuropathy, pain in the nerves which can be felt as tingling or pain. Had some good zingers in my feet, a few in my hands. So it was a pretty shitty couple of days. But, fortunately, I rebounded well. By Tuesday I would say I was back to fairly normal. And since, have been feeling well (though sadly the cough, which got way better when I was first back is making a return).
I'll see my doc this week to do labs and see how much blood counts have dropped. I was able to get the prophylactic COVID shot (Evusheld) to help prevent getting it. And, like many other infusion chemos, hair loss is a side effect and based on this result from running fingers through my hair at work (and similar in shower), I'm not avoiding that. That's the other tingles...the scalp feeling that comes with the follicles dying and being ready to fall out.
I may still try to make it through this weekend (a wedding to attend) and the 1st (filming for some UD stuff) before shaving, but we will see how it goes. In some ways the hair loss makes it easier because it makes the cancer more visible. More visible so when I'm out of breath or sweaty from just walking across campus, maybe it's not just a judgement of my current weight. More visible so that if I'm a little tired at times or struggle to recall a specific word (chemo brain is real folks), there's a bit more patience. And yet, it makes it feel more real, for sure.
The side effects of this drug, like any, are typically cumulative. We'll do 3 or 4 treatments before a new scan to see if it's working. It's not the last arrow in the quiver but we're getting close and this may be a case where I also start to think about the risk-reward ratio of various treatments and their timing. I'm hopeful I can keep up what is left of my strength/endurance and continue to maintain similar activities, but really, time will tell on that.
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As the summer begins to come to a close (HOW is it almost August?!), I hope you've found time for rejuvenation and reflection as I have been so lucky to! Stay tuned for how it continues to play out...
