Falling Out

 I write this sitting at home before my morning doctor’s appointment and 3rd treatment.  I’ll probably wait to post to update with latest labs and any sort of doc report but a bit of a review of the past couple of weeks.

    Doc Update From the Chemo Chair:  All looks good, white cells have predictably fallen a bit so doing a mild dose reduction for today’s treatment. Otherwise all good and ok to take a break for a couple weeks post December treatments if needed before coming back in January.  So happy to have a provider so supportive of what I want to do.

Treatment 2 went well...I had spent the morning out at the Air Force Base meeting with a research collaborator, had some lunch then headed to the clinic.  It was similarly quick and easy.  My labs showed a bit of decrease in white cells (immune) and red cells (oxygen carrying) but both were actually still in the normal range, which was great.  Had a semi awkward “sighting” of a coworker, who I hope is doing well and isn’t dealing with anything near as serious as I am.  Needless to say, the cancer clinic is not the best place to run into folks.  I felt well after treatment (so much so I even enjoyed a sanity-preserving happy hour beer with work friends, and continued to through the weekend.  I took a long walk with a friend, but the business of the week was a good excuse not to do too much activity this week.

We are wrapping up our “on campus” semester, as we’ll go remote after Thanksgiving.  It made for a busy week, along with me of course being a little crazy and taking on some additional things like public outreach, showing a friend’s kids some stuff, etc.  But I find that invigorating and fairly meaningful.  Had a few mentally exhausting advising appointments with students dealing with some heavy shit, but all in all, not a bad work week.  

But, the main point of this post...MY HAIR HAS STARTED TO FALL OUT!

This isn’t unexpected.  However, I will say that most of the literature and my doc mentioned “thinning” with abraxane vs complete hair loss, but based on my metavivor FB group and my current experience, I’m thinking this might be a common understatement.

They say a picture is worth a thousand words, so here’s the photo series I call “I’m not good at not running my hands through my hair....in the shower and out”

Top right was Wednesday in the shower.  It’s CRAZY how it just sort of starts all of a sudden.  Maybe not crazy, I mean the hair follicles die on a predictable schedule, then its just a matter of a little bit of force to bring them out.  Maybe you’re thinking I’m pulling, but really, it does just sort of “happen”.  Video evidence below.

As you can see, I still have plenty o hairs still left on my head (thanks thick hair I’ve always complained about!).  I think this feels different than last time since I didn’t cut short first, so the falling outs are much longer and noticeable.  I think I will probably just shave it soon, as a little bit of a sense of control, similar to first time around.  Which brings me to upcoming plans...

I fly to California on Sunday.  I know, I know, stay-at-home and COVID crazy.  Trust me, I feel a little guilty.  But I got a negative test Wednesday, have continued to be careful about precautions, and think I’m posing a minimal risk of spreading.  Also, I AM seeking medical treatment.  I meet with Stanford docs on Monday, to hopefully be able to schedule/set up infusion appointments out there so I can stay (and shelter in place!) in Cali with Karyn, Sarah and fams (who are bubbling together and doing a great job quarantining).  It’ll be fun to have a hair cutting party with those guys, plus my brother-in-law is an expert with the trimmer!

Not having hair will definitely force the Cancer-ness into full view.  To be honest, when the hair first started falling out I did think “oh that’s right, I’m in chemo...I forgot”.  And, as Lex said, better to look like you have cancer than feel like you have cancer. 

I’ll post on the adventure of traveling (and probably show off the awesome hoodie and fancy n95 respirator my amazing FD family sent me as part of a fantastic care package) on/after Sunday.  And then a report on the Stanford appt.  

Side note...HAPPY FREAKING BIRTHDAY TO MY SISTER KARYN!

I couldn’t ask for a better big sis.  She’s been with me on this ‘journey’ last time and this time around. But beyond the cancer shit, she’s just an amazing mother, wife, citizen, leader, and sister. Last night, I fell asleep listening to her lead her LAST board meeting as chair of the Portola Valley School Board.  It was so great to see her organized and leading the conversation.   As luck would have it, I feel asleep and missed the middle 3 HOURS of the meeting : ). But, I did wake up to hear the closing comments.  I got to hear my sister praise educators, speak of the difficult work she had done and has led others through, and then got to hear others sing her praises.  It’s a really great feeling to be proud of a sibling and I was proud in that moment (even if only half awake...).  I’m super excited to be heading out her way...the hang, to see her newly renovated beautiful home (QUITE the project!), spend time with her wonderful hubby and kiddos, and probably have some fun chats about the fun of administrative work in education :)

If my amazing sister isn’t reason enough to make you smile...watch this.  On Wednesday, Obi Toppin of the Dayton Flyers from the University of Dayton (not Dayton University Adam Silver...) was drafter #8 to the Kicks.  For a school like us, this is a big deal.  His reaction is precious, his class of thanking coaches and teammates shows class and the quality of the program Coach Grant is building here.  Me likes sports.  Even in weird times.  Perhaps especially is weird times (make sure you peep his little bro freaking out on the iPad).