A New Phase

Hi friends.  Some of you may already be aware of what will come below, either because you've seen a similar message on UD email, text or passed along by others.  It's pretty difficult and semi-overwhelming to keep track of updating people as I'm blessed to have many people from different stages of my life that care about it.  So please don't take any offense to the order in which you hear news these days.

First and foremost, thanks to everyone for your kind words, thoughts, prayers, and support during this time.  Anyone who knows me knows I appreciate clear and open communication, so here's my attempt at it! 

Health Update/Status

On Monday 1/6 I went to the emergency room after struggling to maintain my oxygen saturations at home, despite the supplemental oxygen I've been using since December.  This was similar to what brought me to the hospital for a brief stay right after Christmas.  The breast cancer that has metastasized to my lungs (and liver and some bones) has been stubbornly resistant to all of treatments we've tried in the past 2+ years since I was diagnosed stage iv in March 2020.  Nothing 'else' on top of my cancer progression is happening (e.g. infection, etc). And, we've exhausted the treatments for the cancer.  So with my discharge on Friday, we've set up hospice at home to help support the new phase of really prioritizing my comfort rather than trying to treat the disease.  Fortunately, providing lots of oxygen support and taking things slowly (the hospital doc told me my new spirit animal is a sloth!) has so far been doing its job to keep me doing well.  We'll continue to manage symptoms as things progress towards the end (on a timeline that it just really unknown right now).  Back in October, I made the decision to not teach classes this semester and do modified duties, so I have a fair amount of flexibility work-wise.  The next step/stage will be a more significant draw down towards full leave from work.

Support and Needs

I'm lucky that my mom has been able to be here with me, and over the past month or so have had a number of out-of-town family and friend visitors to support me.  My UD family and local support is also strong and for that I am so grateful.  Really, there isn't much right now that we 'need'.  Really.  But I know that folks want to help, so here are some ways that you can support me now and in the coming time, however long that may last.  Some of these obviously lend themselves more to local folks...I'm trying to brainstorm ways for those further away (there are many of you!) as well. If you have ideas, please share.  At this point I"m in good enough energy/capabilities that I can 'handle' pretty much whatever.

• Talk about death with someone you care about. Yours, mine, theirs, an aging parent's.  You think I might be joking, but I'm not. The conversations I'm having, the decisions I'm making are not easy.  But, it's something I've been thinking about for awhile, talking about with my family and it makes it far easier.  What are your priorities and wishes?  What is in order vs not? Please, have a hard conversation.

• If you'd like to bring a meal or make a visit to me at home, please let me know via this calendar/spreadsheet.  It's an attempt to keep things organized and spread the love.  Right now, all is welcomed and when/if that changes, I'll let folks know.

• Add a note to the public kudoboard my dear friend set up.

• Reach out...text, email, etc.  Please just know that if I don't respond (promptly or at all) it doesn't mean I don't appreciate it!  

• Support each other.  Really...I know that this is hard for others too, so please, take care of each other while I focus on taking care of myself.

• Stay tuned.  There will be more to come in ways to support and things are changing day by day it seems. 

  I will likely update the blog more often than I have been.  I'll try to remember to add to FB and emails and whatnot.  But also please know that no news does not necessarily mean bad news.  When the end comes, folks will be informed, there will be services, funds to support, etc.  Don't worry about that.  Until then, I will attempt to find a balance of my "out processing", staying in the moment, rest, work, etc.
  

  To no one's surprise for people that know me, I have a lot to say!  About the past week, about hospice and what it really means, about the things I've been thinking, etc. It isn't going to happen this second or in a single post (she writes to remind herself).   Patience is appreciated, and necessary!

  Till then, I'm going to rest up a bit for football later!