First off...THANK YOU! My First Descents fundraising page blew up, and I'm sure many of the generous donors are readers of this blog. So seriously, thank you. It's such a great cause and your donations and kind words mean a lot.
It's been over a month since the last post and a crazy 6 weeks it has been! Some highlights...
The week after FD, I headed north to Michigan to spend a screen-free weekend at adult summer camp. My friend Erica, who I've met and know through work conferences, had sent out a mass invite and I took her up on the offer. I spent the weekend biking, paddleboarding, shooting bow and arrows, sliding down big slides, making arts and crafts, playing games, sleeping in a cabin, ziplining and in general having a great time!
A couple of weeks of work, and then it was off to California for Sarah's Wedding Celebration! It was a great couple of days getting ready, and then celebrating the awesome couple.
It was great to see extended family and good friends as well. Karyn's house served as an awesome and beautiful backdrop for the evening and it was all so perfectly 'Sarah and James'. It's really fun to see them living as a married couple! I got to celebrate Annabelle's birthday as well (those kids are getting so old!), and see the Crecelius kiddos too. Every time I'm with the family it makes me love them all that much more. Perhaps some day I'll get to be closer...not sure these few times a year is enough!
Redeye flights, a crazy work week later and I found myself at the first of a couple of October Breast Cancer Awareness Events.
Digression for a bit....
Clearly everyone knows October is Breast Cancer Awareness month unless you live under some rock that I need directions too. I think last year I was way too focused on treatment, etc to pay attention to it (ha, a common thing with a lot I'm realizing....). This year was different. I noticed the pink everywhere. It's at the grocery store. On billboards. On campus. On TV. On the radio. And, in some ways it's great. But in some ways, maybe it's not. And there are the dissenters that suggest that...that we focus on saving the boobies when we should be saving the women. And that awareness maybe isn't everything. I get what they're saying. And I know I posted that after FD I felt like I was able to embrace being a 'survivor', but October doesn't really give you a choice.
I wonder if it's a similar thing that maybe veterans have when they are home (not that I really think what I did compares to serving our country...thanks by the way to those who do/have/support those who do/have). You see the signs of support and in some ways want to scream "hey, that's for me!". At the same time, you also just want to hide and not let anyone know it applies to you. It's weird. And apparently I'm not the only one (so says my shrink). I guess maybe as time goes on, I'll get more used to the post-treatment survivorship, but this time around it was definitely a strange feeling.
Back to updates....
Awhile back I had mentioned to my student, who is in Zeta Tau Alpha, whose national philanthropy is Breast Cancer Awareness (one last comment, like at this point, do we still call it awareness? wtf. I'm pretty sure people are aware) that if they needed someone to talk or something to let me know. Well, they have a big concert each year, Freefahl (forever reminding every something females about healthy lives, or some acronym like that) to support BC. So they asked if I'd speak and share my 'story'. Why not?
It was actually pretty cool/fine. I talked for like 5 min after a mom of one of the girls. I didn't prepare anything (clearly). Basically the main message was "you don't get to choose your circumstances, but you do choose how you deal with them". I think it came across that I was in some ways, a lot like them. Hell, I was looking right at the house I lived in senior year at UD. I could hear and tell the shock and awe reaction when I talked about working through 4+12 chemo treatments and then 30+ radiation treatments. I sometimes forget about that. My lab student was there with her parents (Mom's weekend...) and took a quick pic when we were doing the balloon release.
When I got home, I felt like I had done a good thing...and it wasn't necessarily easy to do, so I guess that's good too.
The next day I worked then headed up to Columbus to pick up my race stuff for the half marathon. Small world would have it that I ran into a couple of old UD softball teammates at the expo. Talk about a blast from the past, hadn't seen those guys in about 10 years! Also strange that despite that, thanks to Facebook, we kind of had tabs on one another.
A chill night with Andria and Muhtadi and then it was an early morning to get to the start downtown. I'm glad that my "coach" Elizabeth had warned me about the weather, as it was pretty darn chilly at the start. However, it was a perfect day to run. I sort of hate races...the people, feeling like a cow headed off to slaughter at the start, so many people running faster than me, etc. But the people cheering were nice, the kids from Children's hospital at each mile were inspirational (especially the bald ones...chemo clan 4 lyfe), and I managed to stay on my jog-walk plan all 13.1 miles.
The 2:38 time I clocked is definitely nothing to brag about, but it did feel good to be a bit more like 'myself' and able to accomplish a physical challenge like that. I'm still a ways away from my pre-cancer weight/fitness, but still on the right track and slowly getting there.
It's a good thing the half came when it did, because I sure didn't have much time to run the last two weeks. Work has been a bit insane with advising students pre-scheduling. My common face has been something like...
As you can see, the hair is growing :). But seriously, work has been busy. If it wasn't a public blog and I didn't worry about privacy, I'd post the screenshots of my schedule to prove it. I get that others are busy too, so not looking for sympathy, just sharing. I pulled a couple late nights (also in part due to my procrastination habit...do as I say, not as I do students...) and didn't get much sleep. The good news is, it eases up a bit now. I kind of really don't know how I did it last year. Probably helped that I had help around a lot (thanks Mom!), people didn't give me much 'extra', and I was hopped up on steroids most of the semester. It hasn't been all work and no fun the past couple of weeks. I had basically nominated myself (with Elizabeth at work one day) for this party to celebrate BC survivors. Hey, #cancerperks, get it where you can. Unfortunately she ended up not being able to go, but Maura was a great date.
It was an annoyingly rainy night, some of it was a bit cheesy, and I didn't win any of the raffle prizes (sidenote: they gave aware a digital camera...like point and shoot. Talk about your 2005 flashbacks.), but the food was good, the goodie bag sufficient, the company fun, and the night fairly successful. It was another weird survivor moment, but again, guess that's something to get used to.
The onslaught of pink isn't all bad though. It does bring about some things that are genuinely pretty heartwarming. Like this picture my former TA sent me of her and another former student with the message "UD strong":
That' my name they are pointing to. Pretty cool. As uncomfortable as shit like that makes me, it's pretty cool.
So now it's almost November (Happy Halloween ya'll). Another crazy thing about October, this may have been the first month in a long time that I didn't have a doctor's appointment. I went in for my monthly injection, but I didn't have to go to Indianapolis (didn't even have to have a blood draw), didn't see the oncologist or anything. I could get used to that change! I did actually go to the occupational therapist for a little work though. I was having some tightness and a bit of the axillary web syndrome ("cording") that I experienced post-surgery. It isn't too bothersome, but given that I have another reconstructive surgery coming up in a few weeks, I'm hoping to get in the best 'shape' range of motion-wise that I can before that. Side perk is that it may have spurred some research work with a collaborator also, so that's kind of cool.
I'm looking forward to the next few months...a family wedding in St. Louis this weekend, at some point fall weather, and spending holidays without having to rush home for Friday treatments. I'm sure I'll keep having some of these "flashback" moments to "last year at this time". And, I'll probably read back on the blog a bit since: 1) so much of it was a haze; and 2) that was part of the point of this blog. But I'm also trying to continue to stay more present and move forward, those silly 'life lessons' I say that I learned this past year. It's hard, as is it for everyone, so I keep trying and when it doesn't happen, try again. What more can you do, right?
My gracious thanks for the support as always. Here's to a happy and healthy holiday season for us all!
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