For those who have been following since the beginning of the metastatic diagnosis early in 2020, you’re familiar with my ABC motto…Adventures? Yes. Bullshit? No. Cancer? Fuck off. Well, June has been a month of trying to live up to this motto and I think I’ve been fairly successful!
First, the medical update. I completed round 2 of Halavan. Round 1 actually wasn’t without some difficulty (sore throat, elevated liver enzymes, fatigue). A small dose reduction was made and round 2 went much better. I’m halfway through round 3, and after this one, we will scan (mid July) to see what if any progress has been made. May blood tumor marker was in the ‘right’ direction (down), but the markers only tell so much of the story. Physically, I’m still doing fairly well, though I have developed a bit of neuropathy (numbness, tingling) in my left hand mostly. It isn’t too terrible yet, just makes typing a bit more interesting!
Now on to the adventures!
Along with a busy summer of research, I had planned a few trip for June. First, was to get out to Colorado and see some friends, I hadn’t since New Years 2020 (when A LOT of things were different!). So after a Friday treatment, I headed to Cincy to fly out to Denver. Friday I got to catch up with a great FD friend Flash for some dinner…
And spent the rest of the night with Cat and her family. Saturday morning was grad school reunion style of Cat, Nat, Leora and I plus families…
Then it was off to the mountains with Cat and Leora to head to the Mt. Princeton Hot Springs. I’ll let the pics speak for themselves in terms of how unique and cool this place was. So much fun to hang, stay the night, and wake up to relax mountain-side (and go down the slide!).
I spent Monday hiking (not to the top with my current fitness, but still getting my steps in!) at Chautauqua Park and the Flatirons….
Before I headed up to the Fort to meet up with grad school mentors and friends Jen and Frank. It was great to catch up, and the beer and food at Crown Pub is still enjoyable. Tuesday, I enjoyed a walk out Leora’s backyard that was nearly as beautiful as the day before and then headed to CU to meet a collaborator I had only seen on Zoom screens to that point. A Pearl Street lunch, coffee with LJG and I was on my way to the airport, via dinner with Rachel, a great friend from UD. All my high school friends have now moved back to MN, but it’s still so fun to spend time with friends from various points in my life while I’m in one of my favorite states!
Back in Ohio, I stayed busy in the lab with my wonderful students. Working hard and having fun (and extending my mentoring to suggesting the kids pack at the movie theater…thanks Mom for that smart snacking advice!).
We even had an “insta famous” moment, when Adam Grant, author of Think Again commented on our post about his great book. Social media isn’t always all bad!
A day of hooky at Kings Island with Diana and fam was fun, though sort of depressing as my new bad ass cancer fighting body is also a little big for some of the roller coaster rides….additional motivation for healthy living I guess.
The latest adventure was of epic proportions! Some of my high school friends were able to find the time in their busy lives to come down and adventure with me! The idea came up in conversation with Alexis, about how this year was the 15th anniversary of my dad’s passing. And, that I had said I was going to spread his ashes in WV where he used to raft, got me into it, etc, but hadn’t yet. So, why not? Why not go and do it? So we did!
Sonja arrived Thursday night late, Friday I finished my ‘camp mom’ duties of packing bags of toiletries and necessities, we picked up a rental car and then headed to Cincy to pick up Alexis, Heather and Keely who had flown in from Minneapolis. We spent the 4 hour drive through Kentucky’s rolling hills and into West Virginia playing catch up, singing pop 2K songs, and busting any preconceived notions that ladies are cleaner/less vulgar than men. We rolled into Fayetteville WV, crossing the New River Bridge (America’s Newest National Park!), ready for adventure! Our home for the next two nights would be camping at Adventures on the Gorge, a terrific resort I’ve frequented before.
I’ll be honest…I had to convince the girls a bit that whitewater rafting would be fun and they’d enjoy it. Luckily, I KNOW MY AUDIENCE. It was a fantastic time. We had an AMAZING guide Dusty that we bonded with on and off the river. The weather was great. Me and my big mouth got dumped early (I deserved it). The robust rafting crew did great on the Lower New. Just a few highlight pics…
And yes, I realize that if you haven’t been rafting, rafting pics are pretty lame…we learned that as kids when my dad would always want to show us his pictures. Speaking of Pops, after the great day rafting, celebrating, and going to bed at a time reflective of being in our mid-30s, Sunday was a pretty special day. We drove a little ways over to the put in for the Upper Gauley, the river Dad had rafted with his friends back in the 80s/90s and which had originally brought me to WV (on his suggestion) in college and since. There was a nice spot to say a few words (glad we did the I Am From poems at work last year), spread his ashes, and refill his urn with river rocks representing everyone in the family. It was so nice to have friends with me, especially those that knew my dad and were there alongside of me 15 years ago at the funeral. In true Anne/Crecelius style, there weren’t just tears, but also some laughs (that calm pool didn’t really clear the ashes out as I might have thought….maybe he’s just waiting for dam release and high water!).
A quick waterfall stop on the drive back, more food, laughs, “inappropriate” discussions, and it was time to drop the girls back at the airport for their flight home. Lex put together an amazing video of the trip…it’s about 13 minutes, she included the video from on the river, edited it beautifully.
In true spirit of Lee, have to share the rafting footage…which, let’s be honest, if you havne’t been there, it’s way less exciting to watch!
Sooooo, what about the cancer, Anne?
Right? Like, both of these trips were the day of/after chemo treatment. And I’m bald (though hair growing back)! And dying! How does that all factor in???
Great question. Really. Here’s where’s my head’s at with it. Did I plan these trips in case this is the last time I see some of these people? Absolutely. I sure hope that’s not the case, but who really knows. Time will tell. And, really, I want the people I love and that love me to see me and remember me and spend time with me as ME. Not as some cancer patient devoid of energy and life. I think if you asked most of the people I saw (and I did with some!) they’d say they maybe couldn’t even tell I’m “sick”. Granted, I make my morbid joke a day, lack eyebrows and eyelashes and am at the tip top of weight cycling I’ve done my whole life. Maybe they see that I’m trying to embrace a ‘no bullshit’ mentality. But other than maybe a bit earlier bed time, the trips and adventures were pretty “normal”. Which is exactly what I wanted. This thing I’m living with is in my life, but I’m committed to not making it my entire life, as long as I can. So I’m going to travel, and hike, and maybe those goodbye hugs were just a little tighter, and a little longer.
While I don’t wear a “I have metastatic breast cancer and there’s no cure” t shirt around, I’m not shy about talking about it (clearly). I’ve had folks say some really, really, kind things and do some really kind things this past month as I’ve shared more, met people, done different things, etc. It’s really amazing. Some of the girls and I had a heart to heart after rafting (maaaaybe fueled by those PBR pitchers at the bar), about the future, the unknown, and my likely lack of a presence. But, I do really believe that one’s legacy and impact goes beyond their physical presence and that’s all I hope for myself. My legacy can be in spurring old friends to get together when they normally wouldn’t (or only did when I came to town). It can be in convincing my friends to push their comfort zone and try something they wouldn’t have normally and walk away LOVING it. For my students to ask a new question, have a bit of fun, or just see each other as people.
There’s a constant balance of “the end” and “the fight” (which the whole “fight” thing is lame and dumb and it’s not that people who die of cancer didn’t fight, but it’s such common terminology, it’s hard to avoid it). I waver between the morbid thoughts (‘oh hey, do you want this jacket, because I’ll probably not need it’) to more entertaining morbid thoughts (like when Heather mentioned sky diving and I said “oh hey, I can go for free because I’m dying!) to thoughts that aren’t morbid at all (‘so when are we’re going to do this again?!”). It really kind of depends on the day, my mood, the activity, etc.
This last month I was able to see and spend time with people that have been so important to me in life. I was able to do things I enjoy, to accept new experiences and reminisce about old ones. Today was another great day with the Dayton Fam celebrating Maura’s birthday with a zoo trip, casino, and good food in Cincy!
This next set of scans will once again be telling…do I stay on the same drug and same schedule? Change to something new? If so, how is it? The questions can be endless if I want them to be. For now, I’d rather keep planning the adventures to come (Family visit! Trip to Colorado! Work trip to Lake Placid!), keep trying to minimize the bullshit, and definitely telling the cancer that it can just fuck right off.
What an amazing trip to WV. I know Uncle Lee was there with you and enjoying his trip down the river.
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