#noteachFriday

Happy to report I spent this morning lounging in bed for awhile as a "reward" for a long, but doable day yesterday.  I worked at the Running Store for the first time in awhile...a nice excuse to use the casual beanie from seester Karyn

Cancer hasn't taken away my creepy neck tendon/vein when I awkwardly smile.

 

Ate some chocolate cake while watching the Biggest Loser...yes I do see the irony in that.

 

 

This morning, after lounging in bed I had a relaxing breakfast flipping through Sports Illustrated when I came across this:

KMOX Radio

 

Anyone that knows anything about the Cardinals, St. Louis, or my Pops knows this strikes a cord...some story about driving to the top of a hill and listening to static-y broadcasts when living in Chicago....it's pretty legendary.  And it brought a smile to my face to think of my dad.

 

I've thought about him a lot through all of this (him as in my dad, not Him, like God/Jesus...most of you probably realize I'm not overly religious in a traditional sense...I'm sure there's a future blog post about that at some point).  I've said a number of times that dealing with the tragedy that was my dad's passing in a way has prepared me for this "tragedy".  I know how to ask for help.  I am fairly self-aware of my coping mechanisms...both those that are healthy and those that aren't as much.  I know what it's like to go a day without thinking about what's happened and almost feeling guilty for it and I know what it's like to be reminded of what's happening at every turn, magazine pages or otherwise.  Most importantly, I know this.  I miss him.  He'd be in my corner through this, and in some way, he still is.  Dad was much more stubborn than Mom, and before we lost him, he had just fought through being at the brink and came back stronger.  So thanks Pops, for helping, along with Mom and everyone else for shaping me into the person I am.  To borrow a phrase from my AP English autobiography in high school, I was a like a lump of clay that has been molded by those around me, into who I am. 

 

Enough sap.  Rude interruption, right?  Much like I was rudely interrupted by my phone alarm alerting me the appointment I thought was at 11 (hence the lazy morning) was actually at 10.  I quickly gathered my things and headed out to:

Maple Tree Cancer Alliance Welcome Packet

 

my appointment at the Maple Tree Cancer Alliance.  This is the exercise facility I may have mentioned previously...small-world, the woman who started it modeled it after the Rocky Mountain Cancer Rehabilitation Center in Greeley in collaboration with UNC.  She overlapped with a guy from my PhD committee and I heard presentations from both of her research mentors.  Anyways, we've been through why exercise is good so the goal of this NON-PROFIT (how cool) is to help people exercise during and after treatment. 

 

Today's visit (that I was thankfully only 10 min late too, though I HATE being late), was the preliminary screening/fitness testing.  I'll have to share with my students that we teach them what we do for a reason, as I was on the "other side" of a treadmill test to estimate maximal oxygen consumption, a body fat analysis, grip strength and muscular endurance via sit-ups.  I'm a little detrained, but overall was fine with where I'm at.   After I get my doctor's note, I'll schedule my FREE! 1-1 appointments to train.  I don't really need the knowledge or even really the facilities, but I know that having exercise scheduled will keep me on a routine, so that when I feel worse, I'm still doing it, so that I can feel better.

While driving home and removing my sweaty stocking cap, I had a momentary "Oh my god I look awful, I wonder if people are going to stare at me!" moment in the care.  See above reference to Pops looking out for me as at that moment I checked my rearview mirror and saw this:

Rawr

 

It's hard to see, but the lady had tiger face-paint on.

 

So yeah, we all have our own thing going on.......

Lunch with a friend and a little low-key tennis with Physical Therapy students and faculty followed,

Perfect weather! Go Flyers!

 

then an Academic Senate meeting (they are looking for a Parliamentarian, perhaps I should start reading up on Robert's Rules of Order ahemmmm no thanks...) and then back to the store to work, where I'm currently posting from.  Good thing we aren't too busy so I can write!  I'm pleased to say that I'm feeling well, even after long days and lots of activity.  Thankful for that for sure!

 

Happy Friday All!

Exercising the Demons!

Man, it's been a few days.  And, while I realize some might jump to the negative conclusions (oh no, things aren't good!), it's actually quite the opposite.  The past few days, I've felt great, have kept myself busy, and have just really not had the time to post.  To recap the week:

Working at Runners Plus went well!  I handled a full day of work + work, with probably even more energy than I had at the end of last semester!  Taught my physiology class for first time (had missed last week on port-insertion day).  So another awkward "telling" but overall, a good group.

Physically, I've felt normal, which is great.  Emotionally, I've felt okay.  It's just a bit of a heavy weight at times.  Right now, I'm still in that early stage... "I just heard..."  "How are you doing?" "I'm so sorry".  Don't get me wrong, the outpouring of support is awesome.  I am truly amazed, literally every day. It just adds an extra layer onto a lot of things.  A walk down the hallway can be a stressful experience.  Take for instance the other day and this interaction with an administrator of mine:
Her: "Nice hair! I like it"
Me: "Yeah, thanks..." (not looking super thrilled)
Her: "Oh what, do you not like it?!"
Me: "Oh, no, I do, it's just that...yeah, I like it, well I cut it because..."
Cue 5 min conversation...

Might need to put an order in for this...

I understand I'm bringing some of this upon myself by telling people, by not going out to get a perfectly matching wig, by not really paying attention to whether the steri-strips above my port are showing or not.  But not telling people feels like running away, and I don't run away from fights.  In fact, I probably run to them.  

I think part of what I've been dealing with this week is that the rest of me, the non-cancer Anne, has finally gotten back into focus.  I haven't been Anne C-R-E-C-E-L-I-U-S, 09/06/85, Yes Anthem is my insurance.  I've been Dr. Crecelius (which still sounds weird) or Professor, or just Anne.  And I like that. It's refreshing.  At the same time, I am still Cancer Anne.  Bertha is still there, hopefully not going quite as strong, but still there.  So like a wise woman (my awesome mom) always says, it's all about BALANCE!

Have had this engraved reminder for awhile.

So it's a balancing act.  Balancing this current situation with my normal life.  I've said this before though.

On the fun/normal side of the balance sheet, have spent the past couple of nights having dinner with friends (including delicious yet predictable GI distress from here), thankfully recovering my phone that I had forgotten in a bathroom stall that some kind soul had turned in (hope that isn't chemo-brain sinking in), and getting all worked up about workplace frustrations that will remain vague and not described in this open-access forum.  

But on to what I actually was planning on discussing in this post, as the title may allude to...EXERCISE.  

I've been doing a pretty good job with this, even after the "Jillian kicked my ass and I was tired and sore for a whole day" day.  Skipped Tuesday because of the long day at workS, rode my bike to work yesterday, and today, ran (i.e. jogged) to work in the morning to ride my bike home and played tennis with my grad student advisee. It felt good, and I want to do it while I can.  

There's a lot of info out there on why exercise is good, and perhaps it's because I'm back in teacher-mode but I thought I'd share some real data on the subject.  

After a number of studies have been done on a topic, often times, in order to come to a consensus on "what does the scientific literature say", a meta-analysis is done.  As it may suggest if you're capable of using root words to help you process unfamiliar terms (a skill I desperately try to teach my students), this is a big-picture, overview examination of the topic, a systematic review of the literature.  

So, for a topic such as "what are the impacts of physical exercise on breast cancer patients and survivors", the results look like this:

What does this mean?  Exercise, in general, improves health-related quality of life.

More specifically:

Ok, great Professor Crecelius, but we just care about your health  health, like physically!  That comes first, even before quality of life, right? So is exercise good for that?!

Yes.  

I'll save you from the data.  

Similar meta-analyses show improved physical outcomes with exercise during treatment.  Specifically, regarding the drug doxorubicin, which can be cardiotoxic (doctor speak for not so great for the ol' ticker), a number of studies have shown that exercise can help prevent and or minimize negative side-effects of this treatment.  Current studies are also looking at whether exercise may even make the treatment more effective in terms of survival, success of killing cancer, etc.  

I always like to end my classes with a take-home message:

I think I'd rather have this one.

The New "Normal"

Started the day early today saying goodbye to this lady:

Sorry other moms, she's the best.

 

Dropped her off at the airport so that she could be crazy, like only she can be, by flying "through" Boise (by way of Detroit and Salt Lake) to get to meet this one:

 

Alice in dreaming wonderland

 

It'll be a little strange not having Mom here, but it needed to happen.  As fantastic as it has been to have her here through this, I need to find a new groove of the reality of this new life I find myself in.  I managed to get a brief workout in this morning (Thanks Jillian).  Here are the lessons learned:

• I'm out of shape...I didn't do much the past month through all of this diagnosis/tests/doctors.
• I had only really been running before that...and I can tell.  Those 5 lb dumbbells felt A LOT heavier than I remember.
• My endurance and recovery is low...working out took a lot out of me, and this I think is in part due to the chemo.
• Now that I'm not training for the marathon anymore, I think I'll enjoy being able to vary my exercise routines with videos, circuits, etc. 

Other than that, I've spent a lot of time lounging, which isn't all that different than what I would have done in times B.C. (before cancer).  I think being alone will give me more time to think, which could be good, could be bad. The reality of everything that is happening is slowly sinking in more and more.  I think getting back to my "routine" will seem more like reality than this weird state I've been in for the past 4 weeks.  Starting classes again should help with that as well...thankfully, the kids keep showing up, no matter how good or bad I feel.

 

Physically, feeling pretty good still...some sour stomach at times, headaches (might be the lack of caffeine in my life lately), and some soreness/heaviness overall.  But getting along, eating pizza with friends last night (and leftover for breakfast this morning...so good). 

 

Regular full day of work tomorrow at UD and at Runners Plus.  Feeling like Owen Wilson in Armageddon, 98% excited and 2% nervous, or maybe it's the other way around.  Need to figure out if I'll be able to keep doing a few shifts at the running store...I do enjoy it and the extra cash is nice, so we'll see if it can stay in the new normal.

 

 

 



 

Saturday Night's All Right...

Don't know why I'm channeling Elton John this evening, but that's the case...

Started this morning off with a walk!

Fine Mom, I'll smile for a picture.

Felt good so decided to go for it...didn't take any anti-nausea pills as I didn't think I needed them, and the stomach has held up all day.  

After being out for about an hour, came back and still had enough energy to mow the lawn and do some weeding...pros and cons of living in the Midwest...it rains all the time, but it makes weeds grow fast!

Cut shorter to improve croquet games.

After a shower and quick lunch it was time to head to the Cancer Center for my Neulasta shot or what I've started referring to as my post-chemo chaser or immuno-booster.  It's a really simple back of the arm shot, almost like a vaccine.  I almost wish they'd just give it to me and I could do it myself!  One of the common side effects in bone pain (I like to think of it as feeling your marrow producing more cells), which I haven't experienced thus far.  I keep sort of wondering whether they've given me the right stuff since I feel so good!  Not going to complain though...

Other than that it's been a day of napping, tv watching, chinese food eating, and a quick yoga session (mostly because I said yesterday I was going to do it and wanted to stick to the plan!).  I'd say a nice day of relaxing.

My surgeon called this morning with my MRI results from this past week.  Nothing showing in the right breast, left breast tumor measuring at 6.5 cm, which was as predicted.  There were also some satellite "spots" in the left breast, not associated with the tumor, and suspicious nodes (she saw 5).  Most concerning, was that there was also a suspicious area on the sternum.  Getting the CT scan and bone scan sometime this week (a bit of a scheduling nightmare) will determine whether this is a metastatic growth or not.  Given that in the past, especially when I had lost weight that I've felt a "bump" on my sternum that felt bony rather than like soft tissue, I'm actually not that concerned.  Also, this is partially why I was "excited" to start chemo...no matter what we find or don't find, we're already working to stop growth and kill existing presence of cancer cells.

Laying in bed last night, I was actually thinking that I'm glad the port is on my right side and the tumor is on the left.  It's an interesting split of good vs evil, drugs vs disease going on.  I guess these are the things I think about rather than really worrying about what else is to come.

Silver lining of the day...it took about 3 seconds to do my new 'do.  Love that.