Three Down

Third treatment this morning and happy to report all continues to go well! Went directly to a meeting on campus, toured Karyn around a bit, then another meeting. These types of meetings would tire anyone out and cause possible headaches and naseau so I'm not too concerned that I a little wiped writing this. 

One more of this round of treatment it two weeks, after I spend next weekend in Minnesota cheering on my dear friend in the marathon we were supposed to be running together. After that a two or three week break (to be determined at my follow up in two weeks...nice it won't be another handing over of $50 copay for a "keep soldiering on"), and then I start a different drug on a weekly basis for twelve weeks. 

Currently relaxing, checking email, got to love this shot of my inbox 

Thanks mint.com for that helpful reminder. 

Also, pretty much all the hair is gone! 

And I'm slowly developing a sweet tan line from my scarves. 

I'll probably try to convince Karyn to guest post. As always thanks for the good thoughts, gifts, support, vent sessions etc. People can be amazing and that in itself is great motivation to make it through this. 

Feeling Better and Falling Out

A better day today general feeling-wise...had much more energy throughout the whole day, despite doing more as well.

Starting the day off with this google search:

Probably won't be the first time...

There were lots of options, but luckily I just went with treating the scarf like hair and basically doing a ponytail.  Forgot to take a picture...sorry friends, but must have done a good job though because got a few compliments including one that I don't even think was a "I know you have cancer so I'm going to compliment your headwrap because I know why you're wearing it" but was actually just a "I like your scarf!".  

It's still a little tough (and by still I mean, it's day 2...I'm not a patient person) getting up in front of a group of students with the new look.  Even though they know why I look the way I do, it still seems like I'm more exposed when all eyes are on me than even when just in a regular group or out and about.  

Another benefit of the head scarfs is that it stops me from playing with/picking at my hair.  I tend to rub it and unfortunately, it's coming out it chunks!  Ew.

Patches!!

It will probably just be better when it's all out!  It's a bit itchy right now.  So I may just go to wearing the stocking caps around the house to prevent me from picking at it...gross, I know.  Sorry, this is the tell all.

Anyways, meetings, teaching, work, etc, basically status quo.  Just thought I'd let you all know I'm feeling better!

Taking Control of What I Can

Sorry all, back to me, Anne for this one.  But I must say, Sarah did an excellent job and I think the guest blogger idea will have to make a comeback at some point.

Saturday started off with breakfast in bed service courtesy of Sherpa Sarah, and I must admit was one of the better breakfast sandwiches I've eaten in awhile!  It was a beautiful weekend here, so got some yard work done, then off to the store to get some essentials as well as some supplies for having a few friends over in the afternoon.  Sarah was an awesome helper, prepping food while I went and got my immuno-booster shot.  A quick nap for me (was a little tired, but otherwise feeling good) and then UD friends came over for food and fun.

Ladder ball toss! Thanks Idaho Crecelii!

After a delicious dinner, some games, and a this time successful fire (wahoo for dry wood!), I said "so you guys want to help me shave my head?".

Throughout the day, I had played with my hair as I normally do, and each time, fairly decent sized chunks were starting to come out.  This was on the predictable time schedule, perhaps even a bit late, but as the nurse said, sometimes a second treatment is needed.  Also, when I had taken a long sleeve shirt off to get my shot, noticed quite a bit of shedding on my undershirt.  Soooo, rather than let these gross chunks continue, since I had family and friends around me, I decided it was time.

I think maybe best to let the video and pictures do the talking...

The first cut is the deepest...or in my case, the one that gets a little too close...

I let everyone take a good hack with the scissors then wanted my GI Jane moment...

Like Sarah said, life isn't like the movies.

Helped that Adam then read the directions and realized that we didn't actually have the clippers fully extended, which explained why they weren't cutting great (rather than just that they were only $10 that day at Meijer).

Awkward mid-cut shots

Can I just borrow some of yours Sarah?

Fabulous friends!

The new look!

First impressions of being essentially hairless:

1) It's cold!

2) The stubble gets caught on things like hoods and hats

3) Your own buzzed head is just as fun to rub as other people's.

The fun and excitement of the haircut wore me out pretty good.  After my first serious nauseous moment this morning managed to sleep a few more hours.  Went on a short jog/run with Sarah in the continuing beautiful weather then got lunch (mmmm Jimmy John's) and stopped by Runners Plus to do some shopping.  Was a little weird to take my stocking cap off there and "show off" the lack of hair, but thankfully my head is not overly misshapen.  

Just got home not long ago from a tough goodbye at the airport with Sarah and will rest some more after finishing this post.  I'm still feeling well, but I think Sundays will continue to be tough as the steroid and iv anti nausea meds I get Friday wear off, and the bone and muscle stiffness and pain from the Neulasta/immuno-booster start.  

The haircut definitely makes it all feel a bit more real, and I think it was time for that.  I could have probably waited a few more days, but making the shaving seem like an event, and one that I chose to happen seemed like the best idea, especially considering I lack choice in much of this.   

I'm sure that a scarf-day at work tomorrow will be a bit different, and I'll need to order a wig at some point, but it continues to be another step along this process.  And, maybe some birds will appreciate all the new material we gave them for nests!

Gettin' Hairs Cut

With a bit of a sore arm, after a vicodin-aided night of sleep, I headed to work for a "normal" day.  Taught for the first time, after missing class yesterday, my mixed grad/undergrad research methods class.  It was syllabus day and explained my "situation" during my introduction, as it may affect class (late-notice cancellations, not in office, etc.).  It was a little different doing this to a room of nearly 40 wide-eyed students, many of whom I'm had before, rather than the typical one-one conversations I've had lately.  I'm sure it was a bit of a shock, but hopefully it just serves as a reminder...the title of the blog, that you're never too young.

Reminder...Check your Chickens ladies.

It was also a little strange to be the center of attention again.  Teaching is a lot like being an entertainer in some ways, trying to keep an audience engaged and enthused about what you're doing.  While it was comforting to be back doing something I enjoy, I was also a little hesitant about being in the "spotlight".  I know my cancer isn't anything to be ashamed of and that it doesn't define me, but I may need to keep reminding myself of that, particularly when the physical changes begin to show.

Speaking of physical changes...today was a big day...HAIR day.

My friend Andria, a roommate from Dayton who now lives in Columbus came down to share in the fun.  We started with an appointment at a wig shop...the serious kind...lots of talking and consulting about styling, not just trying random things on.  As they say, pictures say a thousand words...

Bill did a lot of brushing...and yes, the earpiece stayed in the whole time

Matching colors...I'm cappuccino

 Looking at styles...

The "Samantha" is really nice...

Let's try one on...I'm not too sure about it...

Maybe I should just go multicolor...

Mom and Andria were a little weirded out by the natural hair options...

Bill suggested I stay away from the cheap machine stitched ones.

I didn't make a purchase just yet as I need to check with the insurance company about what my coverage for a "cranial prosthetic" might be.  I'm also not sure how much I'm going to want to wear a wig vs scarves/hats, etc.  I think it'll be nice to have an option that doesn't scream "I have cancer!" for certain meetings at work, etc. but I'm also not sure whether I will want to switch from one to another or wear the wig all the time.  Who knows.  Like with most of this, trying to keep an open and dynamic mind about it all.  Bill seems nice, and would provide good upkeep and styling, so would probably go back if I go in that direction.

After the wig stop and a quick stop for an ice cream snack (days are always improved with ice cream and naps), it was off to the salon!  I had decided I would cut my hair so that when it begins to fall out, cleanup is easier and it's less of a change.  When it's actually ready to fall out, I'm sort of looking forward to recreating this scene.  Ordered some skull caps to sleep in and catch hair from Amazon today (they really do have everything, and who can beat Prime shipping!).

I'll let the pictures do the talking (Mom was great paparazzi).  

The "Before" with my wonderful supporters!

And the "After!"  Donating to Pantene Beautiful Lengths to help others fighting cancer.

Andria donated too!  She's done it many times before :)

Another "After".  Short and smiling!

I think the stylist was a little overwhelmed when I briefly showed her pictures of Jennifer Lawrence and said things like "like a pixie, but maybe longer....oh, this is a pixie?  Oh, ok.  Yeah, well whatever, it's going to be gone in like a week anyway.  Seriously, just use your best judgement."

It's all becoming a bit more real with every step forward.  Still feeling pretty good about things.  Had a random "blurt" today...one of the associate deans asked how yesterday went and if I taught and I just sort of casually said "Oh, no, actually, I've recently been diagnosed with breast cancer and start chemo tomorrow so was having a procedure done in prep for that".  People don't really know how to respond to that.  I don't blame them.  I did however manage to use my filter when I saw a former student who had testicular cancer last semester and resisted high-fiving him and saying "Hey! I'm part of Cancer Club now too!"  So there's that.

Treatment is set for 11 tomorrow and I'm not going to bother going in to work first.  Here's hoping I'm still as positive then!