Start of Summer!

Pardon the lack of posts...I know that some of you rely on it to stay in touch. Just realize that no news is good news in this case!  I'm feeling much more like myself, back to my 'normal' life, and who wants to hear about that?!  As much as I have joked that people would love a movie of my life, I don't think it's all that interesting!

After classes finished (my last post), finals happened (more stressful for the students than me), I hunkered down and did some grading, attending graduation where "President Bartlett" accepted an honorary degree...

Haha, I'm the one taking the picture in the middle left.

 

It was different than last year as I knew the majority of students graduating from our programs.  We line up and give hugs, and I said goodbye to a lot of really great kids.  The next day I finally finished uploading grades and I was done done. 

 

What a year.  It seems like so long, yet in some ways it flew by.  I know I don't give myself enough credit for not just surviving, but continuing to thrive (as my colleagues, friends, family, etc remind me) this year.  Remember those Lessons to Remember from a past post?  Here's another one...

 

Anne, you're capable of giving yourself credit.

You did it on this blog.  For "everyone".  Do it more often. You deserve it.

 

But enough of the mushy stuff...

 

The summer brings about a time of renewal for academics and it's an important one.  I've allowed myself to take it pretty easy this first week.  It'll be a busy summer of research and advising students, but I checked out a little bit the past few days which was needed.  It probably helped it felt like summer as it was nearly 90 here!

 

Speaking of heat, how's radiation?  Well, it continues to go pretty well.  I started to have the skin irritations I was warned of, including peeling skin (I'll save you the grisly photos on here, but if you want to see, just let me know...).  It has led to a new use for pantyliners though..

Got to prevent any rubbing...

 

My preferred mode of transportation to and from treatment has been my trusty (and pretty!) commuter bike:

 

With very useful pannier and basket.

 

It feels pretty good to walk in to that place, helmet in hand, glistening a little (or a lot) from some sweat.  Brings a sense of control back.  It's about a 3 mile ride from campus, with a little hill to push me a bit.  The way from there to my house has a couple bigger hills...while pretty, my bike isn't necessarily made for climbing, but it gives me a good quad burn!

 

If only a were running...and at that pace...

 

"Speaking" of running, I ran today!  And a little last Friday!  I did the 4 mile run/walk last Friday that Runners Plus sponsored, a good (but hot!) time with my friend Maura.  This morning, I met up with my colleague Diana in Yellow Springs to jog/walk on the bike path there.  Wasn't jogging fast, didn't jog the whole 5 miles, but I did jog a bit.  Considering it's been about 9 months since I was jogging routinely, I'd say the baby steps are moving in the right direction. 

Tuesday night, I was very "urban" and went to free group yoga downtown at the Riverscape Pavillion.  Go w/ the Flow Yoga was teaching to 300 people!  It was pretty fun.

 

I'm on the middle left again, this time not taking a picture.

 

So as you might guess from my activity levels, other than the peeling skin, I'm not having any ill effects of the radiation (i.e. fatigue).  Hormone therapy is alright as well, though the hot flashes have returned.  Those combined with heat and my stubbornness to refuse to turn on my A/C in May leads to pretty sweaty nights.  Considering these treatments will last years, perhaps I should invest in these, or these.  



 

One of the side effects I'm working my way out of is that whole hair loss thing from chemo.  It continues to grow and I'm in a pretty awkward fro stage right now....

 

Post workout...always the worst time.

 

Fortunately, "product" comes in handy and helps tame the beast.  I've sort of moved out of the spiky look and into a combed 'do...thinking that could be an easier transition to a longer hairstyle.

 

Back is still a curly mess...

 

 

Other than the awkwardness of growing hair out, things are good.  Had friends over for Cinco de Mayo (if you've never made slow cooker carnitas, you need to...so good, so easy), played some croquet, had some good times.  I'm looking forward to being in this great house for a full summer.  I've already taken advantage of some good deck time while doing work, watching Netflix, etc. 

 

"Speaking" of Netflix, I'm nearing the end of my recent binge...Gilmore Girls.  I pretty much want to marry Luke Danes. 

 

Can't you see it?!



 

I watch too much TV. I know this.  After I'm done with GG I'm taking a break from screentime and going to get some reading in.  I usually avoid reading because a lot of times it'll keep me up at night, but it's the summer!  Less of a structured schedule allows for some flexibility, including catching up on sleep if necessary :)

 

Think that's about it for the update.  I booked a flight out to California at the end of May to visit (mom will be there too!), do some shopping for Sarah's wedding (two months from today!), and celebrate being done with radiation!  Looking forward to that!

 

Classes Done

End of the semester!  Always a busy time, so apologies for the lack of a posting.  Some recapping:

Radiation and Treatments
Continues to go well.  The system is mostly efficient and so far I've been free on any side effects.  Perhaps the recommended skin care routine is working...

 

I got my second anti-hormone shot on Thursday.  Last month, there was some small concern that it wasn't working as it should be and I had to do some follow-up tests, but everything looked fine.  So we'll continue to monitor and see how this month goes.

 

Work
Busy, busy, busy!  It's the end of the semester and I choose to do oral exams in my physiology classes where students come in and talk about a few topics for ~10-15 minutes.  I really think it is great for them and a good way to gauge learning.  But, with 60 students, it's a bit of a time suck!

My research class did a lovely little poster session for their semester long projects...

 

They are a great group of kids.  Most (all but 4) are graduating seniors, some of whom I had for 2 classes.  It'll be different at graduation next Saturday to give hugs to kids I actually know! (Dayton is nice in that the ceremony says all names, and faculty are welcome to come down from their seats to congratulate the graduates after they've gotten their diploma).  But looking at their baby faces does make me feel like I'm getting old!

Other good work things though...had a good interim tenure review and officially received word that I'll spend 3 weeks in Chile in Summer 2016!  It's part of Dayton's Global Education Seminar that engages a faculty cohort in a year-long seminar building up to a 3 week in-country experience in an effort to broaden the international opportunities for students and faculty. I'm in a great cohort and a department colleague is going this year, so hopefully can build upon what she is getting set up.  Should be pretty great!

Working Out
I decided to try to get back in a bit of shape, so decided to restart Insanity

 

It's a great program.  But it's hard!  And I have nearly no core and upper body strength right now...but as I've been trying to tell myself, lots of room for improvement!  The good news is that in the last two weeks, between Insanity and the trips to radiation each day (and taking the stairs on the way up when I come back!) my activity levels are staying higher!

 

 

Life in General

Despite keeping busy, life otherwise has been pretty good as of late. Friday was a particularly exciting day as after having received the good work news, while waiting for my last oral exam of the day, I decided to sign up for a First Descents adventure!  FD is this really cool organization that supports outdoor adventures for young cancer survivors/fighters.  So for my 30th birthday in September, I'll be spending it on a week long adult-camp adventure rock climbing in the Adirondacks!

 

 

I'm really excited!  At first, I wasn't sure if I should make the plan over Labor Day/birthday weekend, in hopes that other celebrations might come together...but then I decided that it really should be about me!  So, I expressed my interest, they got back to me, and I confirmed a spot!  And, as the small world would have it, one of the full-time staffers is a UD grad that I've met in Denver at an alumni event!  And there's another Flyer on staff also.  I think it's going to be great.

 

Friday night was fun checking out the new Dayton Beer Company taproom with some friends.  It was a little Ft. Collins-10-years-ago but fun to see so many younger, normal looking folk having a good time out in Dayton!  I also feel like despite the extra weight and still short hair that I'm getting a little bit of my confidence back (in that I could feel ok wearing yoga pants and a sweatshirt and not really give a shit).  Having such a good day at the office on Friday probably helped with that as well!

 

 

 



 



Two down...

...thirty three to go!?!

Successfully completed my second treatment at radiation, third day there.  

I started Monday after seeing these lovelies in my office...

I told you I had great coworkers! 

The first day was just an X-ray to make sure that all of my positioning was ok and learn the ropes a bit for what to do when I arrived, etc.  

Tuesday was my last day of lecturing!  That's pretty exciting.  I gave a guest lecture in this Sport and Bodies course...was also pretty fun.  Got to talk about fat shaming and healthy bodies and diseases of the world.  It was pretty neat.  Then before I knew it, the clock hit two and it was time to get going and head to radiation.  

It's literally about five minutes away, so that's convenient.  I arrive, scan a card so they know I'm there, quick change into a gown and throw my clothes in a locker and then head in.  I have my personalized mold waiting that I lie in while the techs get me all lined up.  Then they exit and there's a series of "take a deep breath and hold......okay you can breathe".  If it wasn't for that it might be a relaxing ten minutes!  I can't feel or see anything (though clearly I try to figure out what is going on at all times).  

Tuesday they marked me up with permanent marker, today they used a washcloth over the breast to change the depth of the treatment, so there's a bit of variation.  I also had a nurse visit where she gave me the run down on using lotion, keeping it dry, expected side effects, etc.  I know that over time, irritations will occur and all that (also, I can't shave! Ew!) but it actually seems pretty easy enough.  

Today on campus was the Stander Symposium, an "alternative day of learning" that's a great day to showcase all of the creative and scholarly works of our talented undergrads.  I spent the day interacting with them, other faculty members etc.  It was one of those days that reminds me why I wanted this job in the first place!  I had two students presenting who did a great job.

A student review session later (also surprisingly fun for me) and all in all a good day!  Tomorrow is chalk full of appointments, a visit to the plastics guy (hopefully where they'll tell me I can stop wearing this stupid bandeau bra top thing), radiation, and also a uterine ultrasound (precaution to make sure that my hormones to suppress my ovaries are working as they are supposed to).  As I've said before, it's a good thing that I don't mind going to the doctor! 

And then...

Faith is restored...

You have an overpriced but tasty margarita on a cheap patio with a friend and wonder why squad cars are flying by as you congratulate her on her promotion. 

You have a "friend date" with someone you've only known through playing an adult sport with and enjoy a delicious beer, burger, and hour of getting to know one another and laughing. 

You catch up with a friend at an event where women have paid to get pampered but really just to support a good cause. 

You can't resist having a "nice little Saturday" and stopping by Home Depot to pick up flowers to plant because you're lucky enough to have a yard. 

You shop at a new grocery store, running into one of the many people who you've met in the past year and has shown you support during these hard times. 

You FaceTime with your family, seeing their smiling faces and give hugs and kisses through the screen. 

You soak up sun and get your hands dirty cleaning up the leftovers of fall to prepare for the new comings of spring. 

You mow the lawn and think about how the last time you did, you were in the middle of chemo and it may have pushed you a bit too hard, but not today. 

You sit back after a productive day and think, life isn't so bad, in fact, it's pretty great. 

You laugh at the difference a day (or two) makes. 

You are thankful for that difference. 

Honest Share

I'm procrastinating again.  I'm still at work, another late night.  The days are full...lots of student meetings, other meetings teaching, etc leaving the early morning and late evenings the time to get "work" done. 

It's why I love and hate my job.  The emails from students along the lines of "I'm having a quarter life crisis and concerned about school, including your class, can we talk?".  Sure.  "Get used to it, next!"  Sometimes I feel like:

 

Who am I to be dolling out this advice?  On careers? On study habits?  I've gotten pretty good at sounding like I have my shit together, but man, if that ain't a laugh. 

 

It's not a "cancer thing".  I get it.  It's a human thing.  So tell me to toughen up.  And then I see someone and have the conversation that goes like:

 

"You look great! How you feeling?!"

"Good! Start radiation on Monday, so hopefully continue to!"

"Oh, I hope it goes well."

"Me too, crazy to have that standing appointment"

 

By the way, I'm starting radiation Monday.  Apparently the planning in complete, so the new recurring Google calendar appointment is set (M-F, ending 5/29).  

And again, I've gotten pretty good at sounding like I have my shit together, and for the most part I do.  Then I have a Moment.  Capital M, because you know that's when it's important, like God and Catholic and apparently the inconsistent capitalizations I overlook in student presentations.  Tonight, when I'm probably too tired, or too worn out from reviewing proposals on mathematics research that I honestly can't even summarize other than to say there aren't numbers and there are theories, this was my Moment.

Why the f*ck did I click on that link.  I can't say I'm scared to die. Like, in the near future.  But reading one of the captions that said "after double mastectomy, chemotherapy, radiation, and follow up she was declared cancer free, a year later to realize it had metastasized" I got that sinking feeling.

I think I'm less scared thinking about the possibility of something like that and more scared thinking about why the hell am I at work and stressing out about what service commitments I should or shouldn't make if in a year I could be dead.  But, I'm the kind of person that works late and gets things done (even if it's after procrastinating from revising a student's thesis by writing this post) and stresses over things that a lot of people don't consider.  To let the possibility of something that could potentially happen from this god damn disease at some point down the road dictate what I'm doing right now, in this very moment seems utterly ridiculous. 

I've been pretty positive throughout this, because I am.  I believe in science.  I've seen the percentages and my chances of living till I'm old enough to have to worry about 15 other things are good.  But percentages are just percentage.  And sometimes, lightning strikes and hits something.  Or someone.  Like the unfortunate student who was struck by lightning last night on campus, literally within 100 feet of where I was only minutes beforehand. 

So we just don't ever know.  So yes, I think about what it could be like if this thing kills me. 

It hasn't yet.  And I keep doing what I can to make sure it doesn't.  That requires some flexibility on my part, and those around me.  Sorry students,  you need to reschedule your exams because radiation got scheduled...trust me I'd rather be talking physiology with you, then there.  I do think that speaks more towards how to approach careers, life, school, exams, etc than any of the nonsense I ramble at these kids when they're in my office. 

I've had my quarter life crises...more than I probably care to admit.  Maybe tonight is just a cancer-life crisis.  Not the first, surely not last either. 

So I guess I'll close by giving myself the advice I'd dole out...think about what you're doing, why you're doing and what it could lead to.  Enjoy as best you can what you're doing, knowing that things can change.  Work hard, maintain balance, and trust that things sort themselves out.  Focus on the concepts, the big picture, and incorporate the details only to the extent that it helps you keep moving forward, but doesn't overwhelm you.  Get a good night's sleep, eat breakfast, take a deep breath. 

Your Next Read

There's really nothing better than a lazy morning where you can sit and eat breakfast, drink coffee, and read a book. 

This morning, I finished "Everyday I Fight" by Stuart Scott.

 

Get it.  It's great.  Maybe it's because I know his voice from all those years on ESPN so when I read it, I felt like her was talking to me.  Maybe it's because of that ESPY speech that I blogged about when he passed.  Maybe it's because it's recent, current. 

 

Or, maybe it's just because he got it.  He writes about his time in CancerWorld with ease and grace. I connected with so much of what he said throughout.  As he says, cancer brings people together.  On the surface, why would I connect with a millionaire, African-American 49 year old divorcee with 2 daughters? But cancer gets below the surface, literally and figuratively, and there's a connection among "us"...those with the/have had the cancer. 

 

So thanks Stu.  Thanks for the relaxing morning that ended in me re-watching your powerful worlds and sitting in a puddle of tears.  You fought, so hard.  And while we're worse off for not having you around, I think this book carries new meaning with your passing.  Reading it makes me want to fight, to keep fighting, and one day, when I probably will have to fight again, to face it like the warrior you were. 

 

Boo-yah.  

 

Time to Breathe - Boston Recap, Radiation Planning, Plastics Follow Up

Whew.  April.  Made it.  The last month has been a whirlwind, but I have some time to catch up on the happenings of the last few days.

Prior to leaving for Boston, I decided to get my first haircut since losing my hair!

The stylist may have been a little taken aback by my "I don't know what I want...just cut it!".  Thankfully I was happy with the results.

 

I drove to Columbus Friday night to spend some time with Andria and Muhtadi and be closer to the airport for my early morning flight.  I had caught a pretty nasty cold during the week (maybe I rushed back from surgery......) so flying didn't feel too great on the ears.  It took almost all day for my ears to finally pop and get out of the cloud my head was in.  We landed in Boston and were welcomed by...

lovely weather!  It actually wasn't too bad...a bit of a rain/snow mix.  We normally don't have this conference this early in the year, so all in all, we might have lucked out. 

 

I had forgotten my antibiotic, and thanks to Mom and making a few phonecalls, we determined, I didn't need to go to the pharmacy so I headed straight to the convention center, home of Experimental Biology for the next few days.  I quickly met up with my old labmate Jen.  It was so good to catch up and chat a bit.  I've missed that girl! 

 

After catching up, I had a new experience for the meeting, going to meetings!  I am on the communications committee for the American Physiological Society as the representative from the Teaching Section, so I am a de facto member on the Teaching Section Steering Committee.  It's actually really fun to get to interact with the other folks, particularly since we had a conference call earlier this year and I could put some faces to voices. 

 

Last year I had presented some work from CSU in a session of rapid fire (5 min) presentations and won an award for the best in session.  Because of that, I was asked to help co-chair the session this year.  Basically, I got to make sure powerpoint presentations were loaded, read off the titles of presentations and presenters (haha, said gila instead of glia once...maybe I should have read ahead...), and be prepared to ask questions in case there weren't any from the audience.  The session as a whole went well, and it was nice to do some thinking right out of the gate. 

 

Post-session, Jen, Sarah D and I had a delicious seafood dinner before heading to the concert (see last post).  This guy Shakey Graves is awesome you guys.  Check it out:

 

A really impressive show when he's doing the one man band thing, and when he adds the bass and drums even better.  The venue (the Royale) was cool and the company (seen below) couldn't have been better!

One of the best parts was the concert started early (opening act at 7), so I was able to get to bed at a reasonable time, pretty clutch while nursing a cold and having a 7:00 AM session. 

 

Side benefit to these conferences and being in an urban area...no concern about getting my steps in!

 

Fortunately, I had a great room at the Residence Inn.  As the front desk guy said I got the upgrade due to my Marriot status (haha I've stayed like twice) and "really lucky timing".  I could totally have lived in this room...

 

 

Sunday started early with a poster on the PhUn Week activity I did that I had shared about earlier.  This conference is pretty huge, here are some pictures for the scale...the main exhibit hall has all of the exhibitors trying to sell stuff and hundreds of posters each day from all the different societies. 

 

Then there are tons of other sessions in rooms throughout the convention center.  and a lot of standing around "networking"/talking with folks.

It was in a few of those hallway run-ins when I probably was awkwardly upfront about things.  A few conversations went along these lines:

 

Person who I see at these conferences once a year:  "Anne! Hi!"

Me: "Person! Hi!"

Person: "How's the year been?"

Me: "Good, busy, you know.  Well, it's been interesting...I got a cancer diagnosis in the fall, spent first semester in chemo, had some surgeries, etc, so yeah....hanging in, but doing ok...."

Person: "....oh my gosh, so sorry to hear that."

 

I filtered a few times, and some people already knew.  I probably just need to get over feeling like I need to justify: my hair, my weight, my work I did this year, etc.  But yeah, I'm awkward.  Whatever.

 

I had another meeting Sunday, for the communications committee.  You should all check out: http://www.physiologyinfo.org/ and http://ispyphysiology.com/ our communications initiatives.  I need to write a blog post soon!  Probably will have to be a little better than the stream of consciousness rambling I do on here!

 

While I was busy at meetings and such, my student was presenting literally all day long (3 times!).  She did great, and the undergrad poster session went really well overall.  

 

While I didn't get to be outside much, fortunately the weather also broke on Sunday and was finally sunny!

 

That evening I met up with my good friend Sarah and her boyfriend.  We ate at this fantastic Italian restaurant in the North End, Mamma Maria.  It's in an 18th century row house, literally across the street from Paul Revere's house, the oldest building in downtown Boston.  The food (I had rabbit stew) was delicious.  Unfortunately, Sarah and I forgot to take a picture, so we'll throwback to the time she returned from her Army tour in the Middle East and I took her to Tour De Fat in Ft. Collins and then we hiked 4 14'ers the next day...

 

It was so great to catch up with this awesome lady.  Afterwards, we went to the institution that is



Mike's Pastry Shop.

I had Sarah surprise me with a treat (cash only! what the heck?!) and I was definitely pleased when I got back to the hotel.

Monday was another great day of catching up with friends at various meals throughout the day, cool sessions (constitutional rights related to social media, undergraduate physiology programs...haha, not a ton of science for me that day), and overall fun. 

 

It was invigorating to be at the conference, around so many passionate people that are doing things they enjoy and are making a contribution...either to students' lives or our general knowledge.  I was pretty jazzed about it all when I got back.  I'm really glad I was able to go...and as my other brief post shared, there was some of the "happy to be alive and well" going on too. 

 

Tuesday was a crazy day at work and then I had multiple doctor appointments.  The first was to "plan" for radiation.  It's a fairly involved process including:

-CT scans, with and without contrast

-creating a mold that I will lie in each time to ensure that I'm in the same position

-tattooing marks to line of the lasers with (literally tattoos! my first ever!  they are really just little blue pin prick dots)

 

They take the scans and figure out where exactly they will administer the radiation.  This takes a couple weeks, so I still get to wait a bit before starting my daily treatments. 

 

After the radiation meeting, I went to the post-op follow up at the plastic surgeon.  All is well, though I was SUPER disappointed to hear that I have to continue to wear this bandeau for at least 2.5 more weeks.

These chicks are lying.  No one is happy about wearing this.  When I asked if I was done, the surgeon literally laughed at me.  When I said it was annoying he sarcastically replied "yeah, you're the first person to ever say that".  Apparently the implants can 'rise up' a bit and it really does help, so I guess it's worth it.  As Mom said while I was complaining on the way home, everything else has gone so well, I probably shouldn't be so upset about this, but in all of my 'planning for the worst, hoping for the best' I didn't plan on this!  Grrrrrr.  At least I don't have to wear the ace wrap (unless I want to you know, be seen and have things all smooshed around, and was given permission to take it off, when I need to, in order to stay sane.

 

So it's April.  Tuesday I had a late night working on things that were due the first of the month (that deadline snuck up on me) but I made it!!  Hard to believe that there is only a month left of classes.  Crazy. 

 

This post ended up being more of a what happened then how did I feel while it was all happening...but regardless, its been a pretty good few days.  I'm looking forward to a few days off (hooray Catholic school!) even though I have to get some work done as well. 

 

Happy Easter ya'll. HE IS RISEN! ;)