A Much Different Holiday Season

Hi friends.  After a quiet Thanksgiving of just Mom and I, December was quite the whirlwind.  The semester wrapped up, another one in the books.  Soon after, I left for Arizona for family Christmas (minus the newlyweds that were on their own adventure of a lifetime!).  It was so great to not have to worry about coming home for a chemo appointment!

Prior to leaving, I had a bit of a 'scare' when I felt a bump of sorts under my collarbone.  I said I wouldn't worry about it over the holiday travels, since I was seeing my plastic surgeon upon my return and cancer had already affected one year's Christmas, I wasn't going to let it have another!  I've been assured since that it's likely scar tissue and will confirm with other docs next week at appointments.

Arizona was a blast.  It is so great to be with the family!  We went to movies (Star Wars in the D Box seats that move!), trampoline parks, out to eat, sang, danced, and played games.  Photo evidence below.

Star Wars!

 

Cooking with 'Tucci!

 

Box of Lies...thanks for the game idea Jimmy Fallon

After everyone left I then headed to Colorado for a week of visiting friends, many whom I hadn't seen since I moved!  I arrived in Denver and stayed with a friend from grad school, saw a UD friend the next day, drove to Ft. Collins the following to see folks up there.  Thanks to LJG for convincing me to "run" a 5K on New Year's Eve.  It was pretty chilly, but was a nice way to close out the year.  Was also pretty much the highlight of the night considering I was in bed shortly after "east coast new year's", aka, 10 pm. 

The 'Threesome' plus one! (and plus a really reflective jacket)

 

Big group at Top Golf! A seriously fun activity.  Looking forward to one coming to OH.

Seeing the lab and old colleagues was a bit of a blast from the past, but also a reminder of how time can fly.  While at the lab, I did a DEXA scan.  The clinical purpose is to determine bone mineral density (BMD), though in the lab we generally used it for determination of body composition (fat vs lean mass).  Given that part of my treatment is to basically zap my body of estrogen, bone density loss and osteoporosis is one of the potential side effects and consequences.  So I wanted to get an early baseline as well as compare it to my previous scan (from 2013 when I moved). 

Good news is that while my BMD has declined, for my age, I am still in a 'healthy' (not at risk) level.  Bad news is, as I could have predicted, from a body composition perspective, I've got some fat mass to lose!  Fortunately though, I didn't lose muscle mass (probably have the steroids in part to thank for that...and it's nearly impossible to gain as much weight as I did without gaining and/or maintaining lean mass).  Seeing the outline of your body and fat and lean tissue colored in can be a bit shocking, but it wasn't anything overly surprising.  Being with family and in Colorado with friends got me on a pretty good start of healthy living of being more active and making some smarter food choices.  (Thanks Alexis for multiple outside park circuit workouts!) I plan to continue that positive momentum.  Call it a resolution if you want, or just my continual desire for self-improvement, but it should result in some beneficial changes.

My attempt to be healthier is aided by the fact that when I got home and saw my plastic surgeon he removed any activity restrictions and said I didn't have to wear any of the super annoying compression garments/bandeau bras.  So that's pretty awesome!  I'll spend the next couple months continuing to manually expand and soften the pocket (ie basically molest that breast and try to move things around so scar tissue doesn't form and 'clamp' down on the implant) and then see him again. 

I definitely have lost some strength and flexibility after a couple of months of movement restriction.  It's tough to barely be able to do a pushup from my knees after doing burpee challenges and such last summer, but such is the long road of recovery and reconstruction!  To keep me goal oriented in taking care of myself physically, I signed up for the Flying Pig Half Marathon in Cincinnati on May 1.  It seemed like a reasonably goal and timeframe (15 weeks out) and a bit of serendipity in that it's been 10 years since I first ran it as a college junior. 

Since being back in town, I've been focused on getting rid of the cold I picked up last week, taking care of myself, getting the house in order (though I have trouble bringing myself to take down Christmas decorations!), and starting to prep for the new semester.  Not surprisingly, I'm a bit behind, as I can never seem to avoid waiting for last minute stress to motivate me to work (case in point, that I'm writing a blog post at work at Runners Plus right now rather than doing work for school). 

The past few weeks have been mostly great, though I can tell I'm getting back to my more 'normal' life, with some dark spots interspersed of over-analyzing and self-doubt. Sometimes I feel like this whole cancer business should have 'changed' me more.  That I should be this shiny happy person that only lives in the moment and doesn't worry or fret.  I know it's illogical, but it happens.  I have to remind myself (with help of the shrink and friends and family) that I don't need to judge myself for the kind of cancer survivor I am, just like I shouldn't have (though probably did) judge myself for the kind of cancer patient I was.  I'll save you from any more deep introspection from the past few weeks (Do I like my job? Do I like where I live? Should I look for a new job? Why am I single? Will I always be? Will I ever have kids? Why am I not happier?), but just let you know that the cancer really just adds an extra layer to basically the same questions I've always asked myself.

Next week, I see my surgeon for my year appointment, a bit of a 'milestone' in the treatment plan.  I'm sure I'll update after that, and on a periodic basis with any relevant or exciting news.  In the meantime, my best to you all for a happy and healthy 2016.  I didn't manage to get holiday cards out, but know that so many of you are in my thoughts often.  Please keep those fighters (I find out about more each day) in your best wishes. 

For a parting bit of hilarity.  Check out this ridiculously inappropriate dancing snowman my mom had and just how much my niece loves it. 

Hello from the skies!

Currently cruising at 30,000 (probably less as its an hour long commuter flight...hooray for single seats...best of both aisle and window worlds!) on my way to Washignton DC for about 26 hours.  I serve on a committee for my professional society The American Physiological Society and we meet once a year at the headquarters in Bethesda, MD.  It is somewhat inconvenient to leave during the last week of classes, but also nice to get away for a day.  The responsible professor would be spending this cruising time working on one of the many ToDos this time of year, but instead, I'll write a catchup blog (what I guess most posts are these days!) instead.  

While going through security today I got some extra special treatment/reminder of the whole cancer thing so may as well start there.  The Monday prior to Thanksgiving I had another plastic surgery, to try to improve the symmetry on the reconstructed side (or even out the boobs as my one friend more bluntly put it, which I love her for).  More on that later but it means I'm back in my dreaded friend, the chest bandeau binder.  It's awful.  And apparently, the Velcro is enough metal to set off metal detectors and not just get the pat down hand swipe for explosives residue but get to go in the back and get it swiped and further patted down.  As the TSA supervisor was doing her thing I said if I had had plastic surgery and you have to wear this bra thing to keep things in place and she cheerily said "oh that's why you have such a nice one! I could use that" I semi-snarkily replied "yeah, just get cancer first". To which she then obviously said "I'm sorry, but so glad to see you're in remission". Maybe presumptuous, but just being nice.  It all didn't really bother me, just served as one of those little reminders that I sometimes forget about.  Needless to say, I'll be taking the binder off prior to security on my way home tomorrow and during Christmas travels. 

The procedure went well and the best part was that Mom came out to help with things and spend the week with me. As the surgeon was drawing on me that morning during prep he made a game time decision to do some fat injections to help soften things.  Essentially a little bit of free stomach liposuction.  Sounds pretty nice, particularly since I've been a little lazy and am slow on getting the steroid/chemo weight gain but did make me pretty sore.  YouTube the videos of the lips procedure...they aren't very gentle.  Also, apparently many doctors recommend that afterwards you have to wear abdominal compression....for weeks...  I thought the bandeau was bad! The one they sent me home with was terrible' way too stiff, rose up on my hips, etc.  After my week checkin with the surgeon I was allowed to transition to lighter stuff like spanx.  Still sucks to be burrito wrapped 24/7.  Karmic payback for saying that it'd be fun to be completely wrapped in ace bandages when I was a middle schooler.  

Not as fun as I thought

Aesthetically, I think I'll be pretty happy with things, so this may be my last semi-major (requiring general anesthesia) surgery hopefully.  The recovery wasn't bad and because of the holiday and No Teach Tuesdays, I just had to miss a single day of work.  That Wednesday, Mom and I drove out to aindianapolis for my check in there.  It was nice for her to see that Cancer Center and meet that doc.  At this point, the "boring " appointments of "you're easy, you're doing great" will do.

The thought of recurrences has been more on my mind lately. A good friend from my First Descents trip had a recurrence that has him currently in chemo.  The woman who also spoke at the Maple Tree dinner has as well.  Other FD friends continue their fight.  They are all reminders to me of what could happen.  Though, there's not much else I can do other than what I am, so I just continue to move forward,  I'll be glad to eye my surgeon in January for my one year follow up. I see my primary medical oncologist next week also and think those appointments may stretch out to 6 months, so that would be a good transition as well.  

My climbing buddy Star was a Rock Star on FDs page 

Mom and I spent a super relaxing Thanksgiving here in Dayton.  Quite the contrast to last years quick travel to Phoenix for a whole family get together of 24 hrs and then flying back for a Friday chemo treatment.  Instead on Black Friday we saw "The 33", a movie about the Chilean miners that were trapped.  It was enjoyable and the wide shots made me excited for my trip to a child this summer.  Our itinerary isn't quite set, but I'm hoping we will get up to the Atacama Desert.  

Movies!

messy hair, eggnog and the Macy's day parade!

Meaning it's time to trim the tree!

In addition to having mom here to keep my place much cleaner than it ever is when I'm alone, it was nice to just have someone else in the house.  We watched a lot of sports, movies, ate well and in general relaxed.  Prior to the rush of the end of the semester, it was quite the treat! 

I am on somewhat restricted activity till I see the plastics guy in January but got talked into doing a Resolution Run in Fort Collins when I'm visiting Colorado after family Christmas in Arizona.  I better get off  and start doing something!  Been a little lazy post half marathon.  It was nice to be able to agree to plamying Broomball for the upcoming outdoor season...I missed those guys! Unfortunately my plan to keep climbing post FD trip hasn't yet materialized so it's another resolution for 2016. 

So that's about it.  I reread my blog posts a couple weeks ago.  I think it was when mom was here and neither of could remember where we spent Easter.  It was nice to have the record and be reminded of a few of the things that I observed throughout the past year plus. 

Crazy times in this crazy world we live in.  Here's to a more peaceful and reasonable 2016.  Best of everything to you and yours this holiday season! 

What happened to October?

Seriously, this month flew by.

First off...THANK YOU!  My First Descents fundraising page blew up, and I'm sure many of the generous donors are readers of this blog.  So seriously, thank you.  It's such a great cause and your donations and kind words mean a lot. 

It's been over a month since the last post and a crazy 6 weeks it has been!  Some highlights...

The week after FD, I headed north to Michigan to spend a screen-free weekend at adult summer camp.  My friend Erica, who I've met and know through work conferences, had sent out a mass invite and I took her up on the offer.  I spent the weekend biking, paddleboarding, shooting bow and arrows, sliding down big slides, making arts and crafts, playing games, sleeping in a cabin, ziplining and in general having a great time!

The 'awesome' picture quality is due in part to the fact they gave us disposable cameras to document the weekend (no screens! no phones!).  It was definitely a good time.

A couple of weeks of work, and then it was off to California for Sarah's Wedding Celebration!  It was a great couple of days getting ready, and then celebrating the awesome couple.

It was great to see extended family and good friends as well.  Karyn's house served as an awesome and beautiful backdrop for the evening and it was all so perfectly 'Sarah and James'.  It's really fun to see them living as a married couple!  I got to celebrate Annabelle's birthday as well (those kids are getting so old!), and see the Crecelius kiddos too.  Every time I'm with the family it makes me love them all that much more.  Perhaps some day I'll get to be closer...not sure these few times a year is enough!

 

Redeye flights, a crazy work week later and I found myself at the first of a couple of October Breast Cancer Awareness Events.

 

Digression for a bit....

 

Clearly everyone knows October is Breast Cancer Awareness month unless you live under some rock that I need directions too.  I think last year I was way too focused on treatment, etc to pay attention to it (ha, a common thing with a lot I'm realizing....).  This year was different.  I noticed the pink everywhere.  It's at the grocery store.  On billboards.  On campus.  On TV.  On the radio.  And, in some ways it's great.  But in some ways, maybe it's not.  And there are the dissenters that suggest that...that we focus on saving the boobies when we should be saving the women.  And that awareness maybe isn't everything.  I get what they're saying.  And I know I posted that after FD I felt like I was able to embrace being a 'survivor', but October doesn't really give you a choice. 

 

I wonder if it's a similar thing that maybe veterans have when they are home (not that I really think what I did compares to serving our country...thanks by the way to those who do/have/support those who do/have).  You see the signs of support and in some ways want to scream "hey, that's for me!".  At the same time, you also just want to hide and not let anyone know it applies to you.  It's weird.  And apparently I'm not the only one (so says my shrink).  I guess maybe as time goes on, I'll get more used to the post-treatment survivorship, but this time around it was definitely a strange feeling. 

 

Back to updates....

 

Awhile back I had mentioned to my student, who is in Zeta Tau Alpha, whose national philanthropy is Breast Cancer Awareness (one last comment, like at this point, do we still call it awareness? wtf. I'm pretty sure people are aware) that if they needed someone to talk or something to let me know.  Well, they have a big concert each year, Freefahl (forever reminding every something females about healthy lives, or some acronym like that) to support BC.  So they asked if I'd speak and share my 'story'.  Why not? 

 

It was actually pretty cool/fine.  I talked for like 5 min after a mom of one of the girls.  I didn't prepare anything (clearly).  Basically the main message was "you don't get to choose your circumstances, but you do choose how you deal with them".  I think it came across that I was in some ways, a lot like them.  Hell, I was looking right at the house I lived in senior year at UD.  I could hear and tell the shock and awe reaction when I talked about working through 4+12 chemo treatments and then 30+ radiation treatments.  I sometimes forget about that.  My lab student was there with her parents (Mom's weekend...) and took a quick pic when we were doing the balloon release.

When I got home, I felt like I had done a good thing...and it wasn't necessarily easy to do, so I guess that's good too.

 

The next day I worked then headed up to Columbus to pick up my race stuff for the half marathon.  Small world would have it that I ran into a couple of old UD softball teammates at the expo.  Talk about a blast from the past, hadn't seen those guys in about 10 years!  Also strange that despite that, thanks to Facebook, we kind of had tabs on one another. 

 

A chill night with Andria and Muhtadi and then it was an early morning to get to the start downtown.  I'm glad that my "coach" Elizabeth had warned me about the weather, as it was pretty darn chilly at the start.  However, it was a perfect day to run.  I sort of hate races...the people, feeling like a cow headed off to slaughter at the start, so many people running faster than me, etc.  But the people cheering were nice, the kids from Children's hospital at each mile were inspirational (especially the bald ones...chemo clan 4 lyfe), and I managed to stay on my jog-walk plan all 13.1 miles.

The 2:38 time I clocked is definitely nothing to brag about, but it did feel good to be a bit more like 'myself' and able to accomplish a physical challenge like that.  I'm still a ways away from my pre-cancer weight/fitness, but still on the right track and slowly getting there. 

 

It's a good thing the half came when it did, because I sure didn't have much time to run the last two weeks.  Work has been a bit insane with advising students pre-scheduling.  My common face has been something like...

 



 As you can see, the hair is growing :).  But seriously, work has been busy.  If it wasn't a public blog and I didn't worry about privacy, I'd post the screenshots of my schedule to prove it.  I get that others are busy too, so not looking for sympathy, just sharing.  I pulled a couple late nights (also in part due to my procrastination habit...do as I say, not as I do students...) and didn't get much sleep.  The good news is, it eases up a bit now. 

I kind of really don't know how I did it last year.  Probably helped that I had help around a lot (thanks Mom!), people didn't give me much 'extra', and I was hopped up on steroids most of the semester.  It hasn't been all work and no fun the past couple of weeks.  I had basically nominated myself (with Elizabeth at work one day) for this party to celebrate BC survivors.  Hey, #cancerperks, get it where you can.  Unfortunately she ended up not being able to go, but Maura was a great date.

It was an annoyingly rainy night, some of it was a bit cheesy, and I didn't win any of the raffle prizes (sidenote: they gave aware a digital camera...like point and shoot.  Talk about your 2005 flashbacks.), but the food was good, the goodie bag sufficient, the company fun, and the night fairly successful.  It was another weird survivor moment, but again, guess that's something to get used to. 

 

The onslaught of pink isn't all bad though.  It does bring about some things that are genuinely pretty heartwarming.  Like this picture my former TA sent me of her and another former student with the message "UD strong":



 That' my name they are pointing to.  Pretty cool.  As uncomfortable as shit like that makes me, it's pretty cool. 

So now it's almost November (Happy Halloween ya'll).  Another crazy thing about October, this may have been the first month in a long time that I didn't have a doctor's appointment.  I went in for my monthly injection, but I didn't have to go to Indianapolis (didn't even have to have a blood draw), didn't see the oncologist or anything.  I could get used to that change!  I did actually go to the occupational therapist for a little work though.  I was having some tightness and a bit of the axillary web syndrome ("cording") that I experienced post-surgery.  It isn't too bothersome, but given that I have another reconstructive surgery coming up in a few weeks, I'm hoping to get in the best 'shape' range of motion-wise that I can before that.  Side perk is that it may have spurred some research work with a collaborator also, so that's kind of cool. 

I'm looking forward to the next few months...a family wedding in St. Louis this weekend, at some point fall weather, and spending holidays without having to rush home for Friday treatments.  I'm sure I'll keep having some of these "flashback" moments to "last year at this time".  And, I'll probably read back on the blog a bit since: 1) so much of it was a haze; and 2) that was part of the point of this blog.  But I'm also trying to continue to stay more present and move forward, those silly 'life lessons' I say that I learned this past year.  It's hard, as is it for everyone, so I keep trying and when it doesn't happen, try again.  What more can you do, right?

My gracious thanks for the support as always.  Here's to a happy and healthy holiday season for us all!

First Descents...First Class Fun!

Since the last post on my cancerversary, a few things have happened...

School started!  It's been a little hectic and crazy, but it's been great to not worry as much about treatment, surgical plans, diagnoses, etc throughout these first few weeks.  Classes are good, students, albeit sometimes a little needy are great too, and my additional commitments I've gained in the past couple of years keep me on my toes. 

Medically, based on a blood draw, I held the study drug I was on for the last week of the cycle to allow my white blood cells to recover a bit.  However, at my follow-up visit in Indianapolis, they had, so started cycle 3 normally. 

However, most importantly, I just got back from my First Descents trip!  You may have remembered my mentioning this trip in a past blog.  They are a super cool organization that sponsors outdoor adventure trips for young adults affected by cancer.   

WARNING: This is a long post.  If you don't make it all the way through, please at least visit my FD page. 

The week was truly incredible.  Really, almost beyond words.  I'll give it my best shot...

Sunday: After a furious week of little sleep trying to prep for my departure, I woke up early and left for the airport to catch my 6 am flight to Albany via Detroit.  I wasn't really nervous (didn't give myself much time to think about it really) and was pretty excited (a suitcase full of only athletic wear probably helped with that as well). 

Once in Detroit, while waiting for the connection, I spotted a short haired girl with a backpack on and thought "Hmmm...wonder if she's on the trip".  Not sure how to really approach that, I didn't, boarding the flight, trying to catch up on a few more hours of sleep.  Upon arrival in Albany, I turned my phone back on and received the group text message that our pickup was on his way and we should hand out for a bit till his arrival.  Over the next hour or so, I would meet up with the other folks who were arriving (I was right about the girl I saw in Detroit...she thought the same of me, especially since I still travel with the lymphedema sleeve). We all "came out" to each other about our diagnoses relatively quickly, along with the other typical get to know you conversation starters of "Where are you from?" "What do you do?". 

We had about a 2 hour drive up to our hostel, located in the Adirondacks, near Lake Placid.

  

 

When we arrived, we met the other volunteers (more on them later) and a couple of participants that had driven in.  We settled in and awaited the arrival of the rest of the group, 13 participants in total.

 

Part of the goal of the drive up was to determine was our nicknames would be...everyone gets a nickname!  It definitely adds to the camplike atmosphere but also definitely makes it easier to remember names!  After a little bit of discussion, I settled on Slater...

 

With the initials, and the hairstyle I'm rocking right now, it seemed like a great fit.  All I was missing was the pleated pants.

 

With nickname assigned, and a delicious dinner in our bellies, we were ready to meet a couple of our guides from Alpine Endeavors who would coordinate the week for us.  We geared up with harnesses, shoes and helmets courtesy of Alpine and Jugs.  After dinner, I was surprised to see that they had decorated the house in celebration of my 30th birthday!  It was so nice!

 

 

 Monday
Our first climbing day!  The morning became sort of routine...hot breakfast and packing up lunches and gear.  The first day we went out for some top-roping  at King Phillips' Wall.

So much fun!  I had a really good day on the rock, even getting the super hero of the rock award later that night (meaning I got to sport a cape all the next day!)  I hadn't had much previous experience other than in middle school back in Colorado, but a lot of it did come back to me.  We also rappelled, swam in a gorgeous lake to cool off, and enjoyed the beautiful surroundings. 

 

 

Dinner was another great meal prepared by our chef Vegetti and her sous chef Gem.  So good.  All healthy foods too which was an added plus.  A campfire closed the night, and we were all pretty spent from the day. 

 

Tuesday

Another awesome top roping day.  There were a few more challenging routes this time, including a couple I couldn't quite get past.  It was tough to not slip into my super competitive mode of thinking and get down on myself for not climbing everything in site.  I made in my goal that night to try to stop comparing myself, and was semi-successful moving forward.

 

There was a mix of folks there...different diagnoses, different prognoses, treatments, etc.  My initial instinct was to compare myself to them (oh I had more chemo, oh wow, that's a lot of time off works, oh shit I can't believe they are still in treatment...).  Over the week though, I found it easier to just listen and get to know people and share my story without a constant 'ranking' of experiences.  And the climbing was similar.  Even on the same pitch and the same route, we all took different approaches, made different moves.  Even just shorter vs longer legs changes the experience of the climb.  I attempted to make a conscious effort to really stay present and focused on  the positive experience at hand.

 

Wednesday

This was our "active rest" day where we hiked rather than climbed.  It was a nice chance to rest the arms and stretch the legs. 

Arms up, mouth open...international sign of fun!

 

The Adirondacks are gorgeous and I was happily surprised to see that some of the trees were already turning fall colors.

 

In the afternoon, we checked out Lake Placid, seeing the older ice rink from the 30's (avoided the $7 charge to see the 1980 Miracle on Ice rink).  A downpour spread the group out pretty quickly and I enjoyed walking alone for a bit.  Eventually I ran into some other ladies and enjoyed some adult beverages. 

 

Thursday

Instead of just top roping, Thursday was our first day of multi-pitch climbing  A guide goes up first and sets various gear to then climb into.  Once at the top of the 'pitch', he anchors into the rock then belays from the top as the other climbers go up.  The last climber then 'cleans', removing the gear.  For this, we broke into teams.  We somewhat quickly came up with the name "Shit Swappers" for our group...well, because we were giving and taking a lot of shit to each other the whole day.  The climbers were myself, Mo' and Star, along with our guide Handles who had joined in for these days.

 

After a 3 pitch climb in the morning and rappel down, we then finished the afternoon with some more top rope climbs.   

 

After climbing, we spent some reflective time at the river nearby and I can happily say that when thinking about the negative things and baggage in my life, it seemed difficult given the surroundings. 

 

Dinner Thursday night was like a party, with a few guests and the whole guide crew joining in.  We played washers, had some sing-a-longs, great campfire conversation giving each other props for the day, and enjoyed another delicious meal. 

 

Friday

This was the big day we had been working towards.  A serious multi pitch climb day.  We ended up doing a 6 pitch climb that got up about 800 feet from the deck.  It was freaking amazing. 

 

There were a number of fun things that only those with climbing experience would probably enjoy hearing so I'll save you the explanations.  Just know that it was always interesting, fun, and challenging. 

 



View from mid-climb

The challenging chimney and site of an exciting fall

Team Shit Swappers and our conquered mountain behind us.

 

After climbing, we regrouped for a Baci ceremony at the lake, tying strings around each others' wrists for good luck. 

 A moment that will last longer that the scrapes and bruises!

 

Since it was our chef's birthday that day, we had pizzas delivered to give her the day off, had another awesome campfire, and watched a great slideshow that the photographer put together (how smart are they to have someone designated with this duty! I probably should have waited for those photos, but I was too impatient...). 

 

Saturday

Departure day... It was sad and hard to say goodbye to the great friends that we had all met.  WE obviously exchanged contact info and have a Facebook group to keep in touch.  I think I will with many if not all of the participants and hope to see many of them in the future.  They are truly awesome individuals.

 

Once at the airport, I had a delay in a flight (woke up from a nap still on the tarmac!) but was able to reschedule onto a flight through Newark and made it back to Dayton around 9.

 

I've spent all day today facing the harsh reality of being back in the 'real world', checking the emails I pretty successfully avoided while there, realizing how little food I have in my fridge and washing the smells of sweat, lake water, and campfire out of my clothes.  

 

In thinking about and reflecting on the trip (something that will continue, I have no doubt), I'm struck by some of the greatest things about the week...

 

THE PEOPLE

Without a doubt, the people that were there were one of a kind.  The participants were this diverse group of people that all brought something amazing to the table.  I can't help but acknowledge them (in no particular order):

Mav- The girl from the airport who turned out to be an even bigger badass than I thought when I saw her. 

Bones- One of the most caring people I've met.  Always helping those around him and the best puzzle 'piece checker' we could have asked for. 

Bumpz- Talented.  Quiet and hilarious.  My backseat buddy.  Hoping to see her soon in San Fran.

Flash- My bosom buddy.  Such a similar story to my own. Fun, reflective, and thoughtful, a great mix.

RemeD- This chick faced her fears and really was Out Living It.  Her courage was admirable.

Pinky- A guy who till the very end and airport goodbyes was positive, despite literally feeling his tumor multiple times on the trip.  One of those who continues to fight.

Superman- The other one still fighting so hard.  A straight shooter that just won't back down.  Inspiring.

Mo'- My Minnesotan connection and other loudmouth on multipitch days.  Gives and takes shit with the best of them.

Star- The reserved one in the group of loudmouths.  Had such a long battle and seems to be on the other side of it back to kicking ass.

Knope- A take charge lady (like her namesake) that is one of the proudest survivors I've met.

Brain- Another seriously good guy that was always helping someone.  His excitement about his grad works make the scientist in me smile.

Boots- Hoping to see this guy in Boston sometime, the trip DJ/speaker provider, another super caring dude that had terrific energy.

 

The staff were fantastic.  Pedro is legitimately one of the peppiest people I've met and I won't soon forget his advice to "find your inner smalls".  Pop Top kept us all on track and smiling, and I have enough of her selfies on my camera that I don't think I could forget her either.  Superfly, staff in Denver, and photog on the trip is a badass climber and has such passion for FD and their purpose.  Vegetti's food was amazing as she is.  It was awesome to celebrate her birthday.  Gem, the sous chef, put up some late night kitchen takeovers and was one of the few who supported my puzzle piece organizational system!

 

The volunteers were top notch.  Each camp has 2 camp mom and/or dads.  Our for the trip were Ama D, a great camp mom (and real one!) and a pretty kick ass climber too.  If I'm ever skiing near her, I'm checking out her shop.  Wildflower, our other mom, helped everything run smooth and I'm looking forward to hopefully seeing her in CA soon too.  Our medic, Crack, a chiropractor, provided more free adjustments than he needed to, rocked the banjo, and added to the fun of every day of climbing. 

 

Our guides were world class, in their guiding and just as people.  Alpine, Jugs, Yo Mama, Grinz, Handles, and Mr. Miagi.  What stand up guys.  I always felt safe, they were willing to teach, be patient, play hacky sack, participate, and help us have such an amazing time. 

 

The caretakers of the Hostel became honorary camp members and M&Ms and Pootz were great members of the group.

 

THE PLACE

The Adirondacks were beautiful...and I've been lucky enough to see a number of beautiful places.  I'd recommend anyone checking it out. We were able to climb great rock close to where we were, and the 'swimming holes' were terrific.  The lack of cell service helped to disconnect and everywhere you looked, there was something beautiful to see.

 

THE PROGRAM

There wasn't forced therapy on this trip.  There didn't need to be.  We all opened up to each other and talked about the things we needed to talk about.  I absolutely loved the balance of organized activities and free time when we were just hanging out.  These guys have been doing this for awhile (Since 2001) and I think have settled in on a really great formula.  While I wish it was longer, it was also probably the perfect length too.

 

Cancer or not, this was a great time.  And because of the cancer, it was even better.  I've drank the juice and am a proud FD family member now.  I've already submitted my application to volunteer at future trips.  The model they follow for continued participation is really smart in my mind.  In order to go on future trips (FDX) alumni have to reach fundraising minimums. It's these funds that pay for the ridiculously awesome adventure I just got to experience. 

 

In the future, I'll likely do some event based fundraising, but for now, I couldn't help but ride the excitement I have and start my page.  Throughout my dealing with cancer, so many people have offered help and asked what they can do.  I think now I have a good answer.  Donate to the page, support this cause.  It supports me and other like me, in a way that I think is unique and exceptional.  Visit the FD homepage and see how else you can help, including simply passing on information about this awesome organization and what they are doing.  I'll happily answer any questions you may have. 

 

To pass on the FD love, please visit:

https://support.firstdescents.org/slaterssupporters

 

 

 

 

Cancerversary

Happy Cancerversary to me!

What is a cancerversary you ask?  Well, it's my self-declared term for my year past diagnosis mark.  However, as discussed with Mom this morning, I always struggle a little with when my diagnosis was.  Was it when the ultrasound with the BIRADS 6 was reported?  Was it when the biopsy was done? Reported? When we followed-up?  So like most things cancer-related, I'm just deciding and moving forward. 

So, today, August 15th is the "official" day.  It's the day the biopsy results were reported.  And, as it happens, I'm working at the running store again. 

Here's where I was a year ago when I got The Call.  Hair's a little shorter now, I drove myself since Mom's not here, and that was an afternoon not a Saturday morning.  Sidenote: I got my second post-hair growth hair cut yesterday.  Had to tame the fro a bit.  Not really looking forward to actually having to get haircuts every 5-6 weeks like you're supposed to with short hair, but it's probably worth it at this time. 

So I'm a year out.  Getting ready (used loosely because I'm a master procrastinator) to start another school year without having to worry about how I was going to manage cancer+life.  I guess I'll break it down categorically to assess where I'm at...

Health
Doing well!  I had a follow up appointment in Indiana last week for the clinical trial oral medication I'm on.  I continue to do well, though my white counts are getting a little low (expected side effect) so we may have to hold off the drug at the end of this month.  So that drug combined with my hormonal regimen (daily oral meds, monthly shot) will continue on, hopefully preventing any recurrences.

I saw the plastic surgeon this week as well.  Last time I was in was right after radiation ended and I was a burned up mess, so I needed some time to heal.  We scheduled a procedure for the week of Thanksgiving so he can go in and 'clean up' the capsule, lower the implant, and try to make things more symmetrical.  Should be a fairly easy procedure (anesthesia but outpatient at his office) but the break from school will provide and opportunity to recover.

Having the procedure in November will also allow me to finish the half marathon in October that I'm "training" (again, used loosely) for.  As a sign of how I'm improving, I'm able to be active again and have been relatively successful in slowly progressing back towards my pre-cancer weight.  I'm looking forward to the routine and schedule of the school year to help with 'staying on the wagon'. 

The side effects of treatment are pretty minimal, just the annoyance of hot flashes and possibly a bit of fatigue (so hard to diagnose...how do you distinguish between fatigue and just being tired from life?!). 

Work
The summer was good, though potentially not quite as productive as I would have liked.  My students did well.  It's always fun to see them learn and I really enjoy being a mentor.

While I'm definitely looking forward to not having to balance working with the cancer stuff, it also allows me to put pressure on myself.  If I was able to manage to do well, be involved, teach, etc, during that time, now I really have to step it up!! :)  I keep reminding myself of the balance that was forced upon me last year, and realizing that I don't have to spend 24-7 thinking/working about work.  We'll see how that goes...  I really did sort of just "bulldoze" (to quote my shrink) through it.  I'm looking forward to a more "normal" year, and try to remind myself that it is still just my third year and I'm not expected to know everything, be everything, do everything, for everyone.  (I should probably bookmark this post for future reference...).

 

As part of the 'work' category I should mention that while I enjoy my time at Runners Plus, I'm also balancing that with having fun and enjoying life.  I probably was a little psychotic to work two jobs during most of my treatments last year.  So I'll take some weekends off for fun things, travel, etc.

 

"Life" (i.e. the rest of it)

Life remains always interesting!  I've enjoyed being in my house this summer, taking care of a few chores...

Boxspring surgery was easier than anticipated, and left room for a nicely cleaned garage (hooray shopvacs!)

 

and having friends over for casual conversation, drinks, and yard games...exactly what summers are for! 

 

I found myself in a hospital again last week helping Grandma 'Tucci recover from a kidney stone/infection...

Granddaughter of the year?!

happy to report she's back at home, getting stronger, and always her stubborn self!

The rest of life is back to a seemingly normal existence.  While driving to Chicago (again used loosely since sitting on a country road for the 50 mile detour of I-65 being closed shouldn't be considered 'driving') I listened to a terrific audiobook:

Aziz's Ansari's Modern Romance, which Amazon says "..Ansari combines his irreverent humor with cutting-edge social science to give us an unforgettable tour of our new romantic world".  It's true, it's funny and yet based on actual research, and a combination of hope and despair.  Basically, being single, while great in many ways (like the Saturday I mowed my lawn, shopvac'd my garage, who needs a man?!) including total control of TV binge-watching, can still sort of suck at times.  And the possibility and options of ending the singledom are not always that amazing.  Cancer was sort of a nice excuse to "not be dating right now", as if dating is something that you just turn on in your life whenever you want.  And now, at this 'year out' point, I guess maybe I'm "ready" again.  Which probably just means my head is less full of thoughts on appointments, copayments, and surgical options and able to wander to things like finding a person to 'do life' with.  Remind me to probably NOT link to this blog in a future online dating profile I'll inevitably create.

I've got the fun trips coming up like the First Descents climbing trip in NY in just a few short weeks!  Adult summer camp in Michigan not long after.  I'm going to do a short little talk at a UD sorority's philanthropy event to raise money for and awareness of breast cancer.  Sarah's wedding celebration in California in October.  So much fun this fall!  And I think a healthy balance (my mom's FAVORITE word) of cancer and non-cancer related activities. 

So I guess there are a few things left reporting on, probably in this once a month type timeframe.  We'll see how the next few months of "last year at this time...." goes, might make me want to share a bit more.  At this point, as I was forced into last year at this time, I need to just go with the flow!

Long time no blog...

It's been awhile, I know.  As I mentioned to a friend via a nice text catchup the other day, I've been too busy living!  The rundown of the happenings since my last post when I had just returned from California...

I continue to work with students doing research at UD and working at the running store.  Things research-wise move slowly when having to order and set things up but I think for the most part all are having a good experience and slowly but surely, progress is being made. 

The running store continues to be a nice break and a bit of extra cash.  Working guilted me into signing up for a half marathon.  Ugh.  When I finished Insanity, I knew I needed something to motivate the working out/losing weight plan, and a race will do that.  I have low expectations, no real time goals.  I'm not sure I'll even run the whole thing.  I have to remind myself that it'll be a year after my 2nd-ish chemo treatment so yeah, finishing is probably 'good enough'  (shoutout to my sister who thought this would make a good theme song for her circus arts rope performance...  (how cool is that by the way!) it may become my new theme song.  It also comes from a great movie that like me turns 30 this year). 

In other physical pursuits, I started doing a 100 Burpee Challenge.  1 on Day 1, 2 on Day 2 etc, up to 100, the catch being if you skip a day, you make it up.  I got through Day 35 and then while with Karyn in Montana (more on that in a min) we did 100 one day (she had like 240 to make up...) and so I might quit.  Anyone who feels like guilting me into keeping my word (I made a Facebook group and everything!) feel free :).

Health wise, June wasn't super exciting, which at this point it good.  The peeling/burning from radiation slowly began to heal.  Another monthly shot to shut the ovaries down.  I visited Indiana hoping to start the clinical trial, only to find out my bilirubin was slightly elevated and I'd have to retest before I could pick my drug up.  It came down a little (and was taken by a different lab with different limit...got to love that) so I was able to return, pick up my drug, drive through a monsoon back and start it.  It's been going well (as a reminder, it simply adds on top of my 'normal' medication to hopefully help prevent/delay recurrences).  I got blood work drawn yesterday (do at the midpoint and end of monthly cycles) and while my white cell counts are slightly low, I can continue to take it.  I just need to be aware of any signs of infection, wash hands, not share drinks, etc....the normal things that people who think about germs do. 

I see my surgeon in a few weeks so she ordered a mammogram of the remaining (right) breast, which came back clean.  I was surprisingly not anxious at all for this test...perhaps because I know that the chance of reoccurrence is actually greater NOT in the remaining breast tissue but in a metastasized spot elsewhere in the body (if some pesky cancer cells managed to survive and thrive despite the chemo, radiation, hormone therapy). 

The radiation oncologist signed off on my skin healing at my follow-up so I go to knock one provider off the list!  A few more to go...  I followup with plastics in the coming weeks as well where I'll discuss some possible additional work to help with some asymmetry and other aesthetic outcomes (see how professional I can talk about boobs!). 

July brought about visitors and vacation!  Two of my best friends visited for the fourth...

We saw Kentucky, survived rain at a Reds/Twins game with great seats and jumbo tron time...

 

We rocked our USA gear for Runners Plus's Brooks Party...

 

We had an awesome adult day at the great amusement park King's Island...

 

Enjoyed camping and hiking in the beauty of Hocking Hills...

 

And cooked out for the fourth, took naps, and had a bonfire.

 

All in all, we hit most of the things I had on the pre-trip Google doc itinerary I made (yes, I'm a dork).  So if anyone is thinking of visiting (hint, hint), you can be guaranteed to be shown a good time!  As you can see by the genuine smiles of happiness, it was a really great few days.

 

I didn't have too much time to settle back into the normal routine before I was headed for the much-anticipated nuptials of my sister Sarah!  I'm so happy to say that it was a most wonderful ceremony for these two...

Mr. and Mrs. James LeFort!

 

The location (Glacier National Park) was perfect! 

The rental house has grand view from the front porch...

 

Pre-ceremony, we spent some time having fun rafting...

 

and walking through the woods...

 

Sarah and James found the most beautiful ceremony spot on Lake McDonald...

 

 

and wrote a great ceremony that everyone enjoyed.

 

Sarah looked gorgeous and was so happy...

 

and James was a stud, looking good and managing photography!

 

though we had to convince him at times that it was good to see people's faces and not just the beautiful setting!

 

 

  'Tucci made the trip and even had to deal with a a cancelled flight on the way home!

 

And this lovely lady with me was definitely a proud mama!

 

 

After enjoying Going to the Sun Road (thankfully in advance of the current wildfire), most unfortunately had to return home. 

 

More unfortunately, Mom was hit with a severe case of vertigo (her first ever) that detoured some of us to the Kalispell ER, leaving the men to pack up the house and get Grandma to what would be her cancelled flight (got out the next day).  Some powerful drugs provided some relief, we settled into a hotel for a couple of nights (think the girls didn't mind swimming in the pool and the proximity to Coldstone!) while she recovered and then got her back home to Phoenix.  Happy to say she's feeling like herself again. 

 

The Bechtels were nice enough to let me crash their camper van trip through Glacier and back to California.  Despite it being cut short, it was still a great time!  Despite rainy/windy conditions, a few of us managed a short hike to a beautiful waterfall in the park...

 

and visited Crater Lake on the drive home. 

 

So blue! Such wonderful time with family!

 

I got to knock Oregon off the list of states to see, driving through most of it.  I hadn't been through the northern part of the "Republic of California" as my brother-in-law calls it (they do check you for produce upon entering...so much for free travel between states!) either.  The volcanic mountains are so different than the Rocky Mountain range of Colorado that I'm used to!  Mt. Shasta is quite the sight, arising from seemingly nowhere, and with so much snow despite the drought and time of year. 

 

It was tough coming back home and the time in nature (and good nearby find with the girls) made me anxious to explore my surroundings here for that same kind of serenity.  I may have already added to my camping equipment supply (thanks to coworker Jen for the SteepandCheap suggestion that facilitated this...) to help with this.

 

While gone, I really tried hard to disconnect from technology and was really quite successful (had to text/call a bit with Mom's issues).  I could do it since others had their phones for things like directions, and did have to basically let mine die and not charge it to help resist the urge (I'm encouraging Adam to suggest to the folks at Apple a 'vacation mode' than essentially turns a smart phone into an old school flip phone with time/call/camera so you're not tempted by apps) to check in on social media and with the world. 

 

I'll have another opportunity to go device-free in September at an "adult summer camp" I sign up for.  The invitation to go from a professional colleague intrigued me, and if there's anything I've learned from all this (i.e. cancer) it's to take advantage of opportunities for fun! Because really, why not?

 

Summer is all too quickly coming to and end, but I'm hoping to continue making the most of this time to refresh and recharge.  I'll begin to prep for classes and the upcoming semester soon (still probably after I really should...) and have lots of letters of recommendation to write (the downside to trying to really get to know kids). 

 

I'm approaching the time where I'll start to be doing the whole "a year ago I was....".  It still sort of bewilders me.  Last year at this time I was still a week or so away from the first diagnostic tests that started all of this craziness, though was probably beginning to Google search and wonder "hmmm...what could this actually be?".  It's much more fun to search the internet for places to camp, birthday presents for the family, and flights for a California wedding celebration.  Lesson learned alert: be grateful in the little things Anne.

 

On a more somber note, despite my continued recovery and good tolerance of treatment, more and more people have to deal with cancer and other health maladies.  Support does matter, as you have all shown me in such wonderful ways over this past year.  Continue to send good thoughts, someone out there always needs them, and I have a few people in mind right now that I'm happy to deflect them to.

 

Look for an update post all these follow-ups in the coming weeks.  Don't take a lack of posts as a sign anything is wrong, but more likely, things are good!  Always feel free to reach out by email, text, or phone.  Enjoy the day!