Another "Outing"

So....

Cat's out of the bag!

 

I'm fully "out" of Facebook. 

 

Before I go there, a couple thought on the above GIF.  1) I can't believe I just contributed to cats on the internet.   What has my life become?  2) I got that from www.funnycatgifs.com.  What has the world become?  3) I sometimes actually prefer viewing GIFs on my mobile device where I can pause them as I feel like the repetition of them drives me a little crazy.

 

 

Back to Facebook and the world of social media. 

 

The other day, Sarah posted some great pictures of the family from Thanksgiving on Facebook and it made me think I should also post mine.  So I did.  And in so doing, I wanted to change my banner picture to the family one we took and then also thought my profile picture was fairly out of date (from my trip to Maine this summer) and needed an update.  So I did these things.

 

 

 

Sidenote...that picture of me and baby Alice came after this sequence.

 

Apparently, I don't know how to kiss a baby and instead look like I want to eat them.  Which, interestingly, is not that uncommon apparently (and yes, Buzzfeed is not the only source I could have linked to for this)

 

Anyway, back to Facebook.  The new profile picture garnered some attention.  I'd be lying if I said I wasn't sort of expecting it.  I think the baldness is apparent, and I know how the FB algorithims work (er...sort of....) and figured the change would appear on people's newsfeeds and they'd see the change.  Lots of people, and people that didn't necessarily see Alexis's post from October that I had previously mentioned in a post about her running the marathon and a bit of a synopsis on the situation.

 

Perhaps this was my unconscious way of asking for support.  On Monday, at the psychologist, we were talking (that's what you do...) about what I "need" from people.  I didn't have  good answer (I hate when that happens, particularly at the shrink), as I don't feel like I'm lacking much.  The support is terrific as I'm sure people are sick of hearing/reading, but it's the truth.  I haven't needed many "accommodations", though did for the first time ask for an extension at work on a project because it hasn't been a priority for me this semester.  But I have been in a little bit of a funk.  Perhaps it could just be the normal let down that comes after a family visit, or it's the weather/dark early nights I'm still getting used to.  I'm not sure.  So maybe I was motivated by some need to put myself back into focus and say "Hey, remember how I have cancer!".  Because as I've said, I do forget sometimes, and since I'm really just sort of rolling along with treatment right now (followup today with oncologist, Taxol treatment 7/12 on Friday), there hasn't been much 'excitement'.  Or, maybe I just wanted to change my profile pic like I used to always do B.C. (before cancer), particularly after "events" like holidays.  And Alice is freaking adorable.  So I did it.  And, people noticed.

 

Alexis's post got more likes.  I got direct messages where people actually admitted to seeing it, stalking posts to realize the situation or find this blog.  Thanks for admitting that by the way ladies!  :)  It's not creepy at all in my opinion...I mean social media basically is for stalking, right?

 

So I decided to make the "announcement", and just post the status update (which will likely also show up on people's newsfeeds for non-facebook users).  And, now that I've thought about it, I'm not doing it as a cry for help or support, because I don't "need" that.  Despite the little bit of a funk, I really am doing fine.  As Mom said on the phone, I sound like myself, and in some ways, the fact I now have the energy (mental and physical) to overthink these things, get frustrated with my weight gain, get upset about an unknown fertility future, work late nights, etc, shows that I'm doing well.

 

 

Haha, social media....so weird.  I mean, what do you really say about something like this?  Maybe I should go back for a sociology masters or second PhD (I've thought about a master's in psychology...hooray for tuition remission!) and do a paper on the impact of social media on patients dealing with chronic diseases.  I really think it'd be fun.

 

So I'm out.  Even more so. And maybe in my semi-typical self-deprecating way, I want people to know so that as my hair grows back but the extra pounds are sure to slowly come off, people don't just think "Anne's let herself go" but realize that there's been a lot to deal with, I'm on a lot of drugs, including steroids, etc.  I know I don't HAVE to justify this, but it's been a constant struggle my whole life, so no surprise it continues to be during cancer.  Again, it actually provides a weird sense of normalcy.  Trust me, the shrink and I have discussed on many an occasion. 

 

I think part of all this overthinking also relates to the end of the semester, end of the year (starting to see those 'year in review' 'best of 2014' lists already, only ~million so far!) and that sense of wanting to look back and evaluate what the past few months have been like.  Perhaps the perils of living of an academic schedule, or perhaps it's just a normal part of life. 

 

And with that, it's back to 'normal'...I'll get out of bed, continue to listen to my standard morning radio show and start my day. 

 

The timing of things is funny.  I recently found out an old colleague has terminal cancer,  Tuesday was #GivingTuesday to support charities/non-profits, and it's Jimmy V week on ESPN, supporting Jimmy V Foundation for Cancer Research.  I am so thankful my cancer is cureable (it really is you guys...kind of crazy, modern medicine!), I encourage people to support who, when, and how you're able, and Jimmy V's words take on a whole new meaning to me now.  As he says:

 

“To me, there are three things we all should do every day. We should do this every day of our lives. Number one is laugh. You should laugh every day. Number two is think. You should spend some time in thought. And number three is, you should have your emotions moved to tears, could be happiness or joy. But think about it. If you laugh, you think, and you cry, that's a full day. That's a heck of a day. You do that seven days a week, you're going to have something special.”

 

And, more importantly, "Don't give up...don't ever give up."

 

Jimmy V's 1993 ESPY Speech, 10 minutes worth watching.