After arriving for treatment this morning (in sweats and a t-shirt, one of the many benefits of not going to work afterwards) Deena and I did the normal greet and exchange of pleasantries. Her: "How you doing" Me: "Good, trucking along" Her:"At least it's Friday!" I chuckled at that. You could see she was beginning to regret it at which point I quickly noted "It's funny because yes, Fridays have taken on a new feeling for me. On one hand it's 'oh, another chemo...' but on the other it's 'oh! Another chemo!" as in, one more closer to the "end" (in parentheses since I don't think there will ever be a real end).
We continued to chat as she pulled labs. I mentioned how someone had offered to come but that at this point, with napping through most of the treatment, I really don't mind being alone. Although, come January, I'll probably make sure someone else is there, just to help celebrate. I think there were a couple of newbies in the infusion suite. An elderly lady with presumably her daughter and son-in-law who was reading aloud the many text messages from concerned family? about what was going on. An older Asian gentleman whose daughter was translating questions about what exactly was going on. And then a few of us regulars who you could tell knew what to expect. I have to admit, there is something interesting about going to the Cancer Center, particularly by myself. Most people there are older, some considerably so. While I don't need pity or concern from perfect strangers, I do wonder to myself, how many of them are saying "God she's young...". I do try to be as upbeat as possible when I'm there. I think it helps me, but also if it can serve as some small bit of encouragement or hope for others, I want it to. Clearly you can see that I am somewhat narcissistic in assuming that I am the center of everyone's concern, even those with cancer : ) Some things don't change. I was a little chippy today though. When the one nurse (who has said some very nice things to me in the past) complimented my wonderful afghan from Stranger Suzy saying, "I just want that" I curtly replied "Well, I'd tell you that you should get cancer and then start getting gifts from random strangers, but that probably wouldn't be the best thing for you...." It's probably a good thing that the rest of the world doesn't pay nearly as much attention to me as I think they do.
Labs/Bloodwork were fine. We chatted a bit about scheduling in the upcoming weeks as with holidays, my normal time slots weren't always available. She gave the benedryl with the steroid (rather than push before the chemo infusion) again to give it a bit more time to work. Per usual, I got pretty drowsy so began to nod off once I had acquired sufficient blankets to stay warm. I woke when she was starting the Taxol and then what do you know, about five minutes in I had that darn reaction again. It starts as a bit of tightness in the throat and then continues with some facial flushing. Once Deena stopped the infusion, all was well so she ended up not even giving the extra dose of steroid that is normally protocol after a reaction. As she said, it's somewhat atypical to be reacting this far into the course, so she'll talk to my oncologist on Monday and see what he recommends. We were able to finish the treatment, so honestly, for me, I don't really mind it.
More napping, a bathroom trip (I've never handled my saline well...should ask some of the folks back at CSU) or two and I was done. Stopped to get some food on the way home (was craving Chipotle) and then finally managed to end the game of phone tag I'd been playing with the dietician from Maple Tree. Her name is Jane and she sounds really nice. I told her my 'story' (the cancer highlights at least), she explained that she's there for whatever I need, and we discussed how best to move forward. I'll do a food diary so she can review, and she'll mostly serve as a point of accountability. While as she said, this is not the time for weight loss per se, I probably can healthily try to move back to my pre-cancer/treatment weight.
Since I didn't have to go back to work of have any pressing deadlines, I enjoyed catching up on TV that I missed while I was working at the store last night. Minor spoilers approaching: Grey's (not a very shocking winter finale, kinda saw the MerDer thing coming and the baby news didn't get anywhere), Scandal (um, clearly Olivia isn't going to die...), Parenthood (was that a stroke Zeke was having? I do hope Joel and Julia make it, he's my favorite) and SVU (um...it's a procedural so you know, storylines are minimal).
Ok, spoilers through. I also watched the Flyers take on the defending champs UConn on TV, only to fall asleep in the second half (we lost...here's to hoping UConn stays ranked!). The rest of the night was spent eating, lounging though I probably should have been grading. I started to read the book my cousin (who I called my Singapore cousin but is really not my Saudi cousin) had given me, Crazy Sexy Cancer. Since I wasn't feeling tired (probs due to my nap) I decided to rent the movie/documentary version from Amazon to watch. It was pretty good, but the best part was this:
I know her!!!
That ladies and gentlemen is my lovely friend Aubrey Day (nee Hoover) from grad school at CSU. This however, is her working in a ring shop in NYC where Kris Carr, the documentarian/main character was buying her ring for the wedding that would close the video (because you know, it's totally normal to fall in love with your cameraman while you are spilling your guts about cancer...I know I'm cynical and that it's probably great she's providing hope to people by saying you shouldn't swear off love and all, but really? Come on. I don't think all of us are going to be finding the guy that wants to juice our wheat grass for us each morning. Unless of course, there's a double entendre in there, in which case...). So yeah, my friend Aubrey. Interestingly, she just celebrated her own nuptials! Full freaking circle my friends.
The major digression of that last paragraph is probably a signal that I should cease the rambling for now. I will say as I was laying in bed listening to Kris Carr try to tie a nice bow on the conclusion of the documentary and make bold statements about growth and learning and what not, I was thinking of similar things like that. It's a little premature though, so lucky you. Plus, with Thanksgiving just next week and my constant need to force my family into sharing what they are thankful for, I guarantee that there will likely be some sappy posts like that forthcoming. Oh, I know a better way to end! I read another book! Yes Please by Amy Poehler.
I devoured this book like much of the food I've been eating the past two months. It's great. That is, if you are into the whole memoir/essay/self-helpy in some ways/fun stories kind of a book. If you're one of those people that thinks that it isn't worth hearing the persona thoughts and opinions of 99% of the world (I'm thinking of my brother here, and his hatred for talk radio, talking head tv shows, and for all I know, memoirs of this exact type), you'll probably hate this. But, if not, I highly recommend it. If not even just for the fact that the pages are of really high quality! Seriously, they are like 20 lb semi glossy! (I'm an office supply nerd if you didn't know that about me already...I get easily overwhelmed in the paper aisle of Office Max, but seriously, a 92 20lb ream makes my heart skip a little). Also, the book is full of helpful reminders. I'll actually end with that:
I will be sure to get Yes, Please, but only because of the high quality paper.
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